Brain and Brawn
by Katzedecimal
Summary: Once upon a time, a 12th-Level dick fell in love with a xenophobe. Now he's upgraded and she's a nun. They've both changed. But if they want to make it work, they have to change even more. A loosely collected arc of stories, set in post-Zero Hour era
1. Broken Wings

Broken Wings a LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal 

_**"You are cordially invited to the Legion's Anniversary party. Nothing to bring but yo' bad self. RSVP appreciated but not required. The Legion Party Squad (Tenzil, Chuck, Thom, Lyle, Ayla, Jazmin and Luornu)**_

_I know you're busy but we'd really love to see you again -- Imra."_

"Cham'd like news from the home front. And Lyle's setting up his MST3K room," M'Onel wheedled. He'd delivered the invitation personally, hoping to be persuasive.

_Who's your groom?_

"Ah, well... How can I refuse?"

The boring speeches were over, the music was starting, the synth bar was opening and Brainiac 5 was getting ready to party hard. His step was so springy, he practically bounced down the hall, whistling, unable to keep the glow of anticipation off his face. He stepped into the room and faced the silent assembly, grinning widely. He anticipated at least five or six hours of uninterrupted time while the monkeys gyrated and got tanked or shagged or whatever else they thought of as 'having a good time.' If he was really fortunate, they'd party themselves into unconsciousness and he'd have all night. "Finally!" he crowed to the empty lab, locking the door behind him, "I can get some real work done!"

He found another one of Thom's stupid spy cameras and crushed it, then went around the lab, collecting what he needed to continue his nanobot experiments. Part of why they kept failing, he was certain, was because they needed his full attention. He set up and got to work, humming happily.

A couple of hours later, he was deeply engrossed in his work and hadn't once looked up from the microscope. "..beta register... beta register..." he muttered to himself, feeling about for it. "Ah, thank you... now, let's see... nope... oh, sprock it, where's that pulse dampener!" He reached for the instrument and nearly knocked over something that felt like glass. There was a sharp crack and the thing was set back and the pulse dampener was given to him. "Thank you... ah that's better... now then..."

It finally dawned on Querl that someone had been handing him things for at least thirty minutes. He looked up and saw that what had nearly knocked over was a glass of champagne that someone had set down on the lab bench. He snorted, then shrugged, picked it up and looked back into the scope, "What's the matter, Lyle? Party gotten boring already?"

"The person I wanted to visit with wasn't there."

Querl felt the champagne try to launch into his sinuses and swallowed hastily. _**"Laurel!?"**_

"Hee hee, that was classic!"

"What are you doing here?!"

"I was invited to the anniversary party."

"How'd you get in?!"

"Lyle gave me the codes."

"What'd he do that for?!"

"I extorted them out of him, after he forced me to watch _Manos, the Hands of Fate._ I needed to escape while I still had a few braincells intact."

"Hmm, after that puerile piece of 20th Century drivel, I suppose I don't blame you. But I'm really very busy right now."

"Yeah, I know. I won't bug you. I've been assisting you for the last forty-five minutes and you haven't said anything."

Querl frowned and fidgetted, not wanting to admit that he hadn't even noticed. "I do appreciate it, of course, but it's so seldom that I actually get any time to myself and so..."

"You're gonna send me back out _there_? Brainiac, I thought you liked me!" Laurel teased.

_Ouch._ Therein lay the problem: He did like her -- too much. And she was pouting. _And _she was the only one who didn't call him 'Brainy.' He sighed, "Oh very well. Run these through the oscilliscope, then, and shut them down if they go above 51.9."

"And if they don't?"

"Let them run until they do and record how long it takes," he turned back to his microscope and tried to focus again, knowing he wouldn't achieve his pure concentration again. Sister Andromeda - she was still Laurel Gand, in his heart - was a distraction by nature. Why'd she have to be here? If she had to be here, why couldn't she have stayed out with the party? ...oh right, xenophobe, buncha rowdy monkeys, might've been feeling overwhelmed... Very well then, but why couldn't she have bugged somebody else? What did she mean by 'the person she came to visit wasn't at the party?'

He blinked and looked back at her, "...You came here to see me?"

_Took him long enough,_ Laurel thought, grinning. "Yes."

He blinked a few more times. "...Why?"

"Just a minute, these are getting very close..." her voice trailed off as she bent further over the oscilliscope.

...Right. Querl looked back into the microscope and was soon drawn back into watching the nanobot evolution.

If they could be sufficiently controlled, they had enormous potential, but thusfar the results had been unsatisfactory. This evolution was proceeding much too quickly. At this pace, the tiny machines would devastate organic matter. Nothing for it, then - another failure. He sent the electromagnetic pulse that would kill the evolution, then stretched. Glancing at the time, he saw that it was now well into evening. _Hm. Time flies when you're having fun._ The problem with having uninterrupted working time was one tended to stiffen up. And forget to eat, his stomach reminded him. Two choices, call it quits for the night or take a break and resume with another algorhythm? ...either way he'd have to deal with Laurel, who was still sitting by the oscilliscope, patiently awaiting his next instruction. He sighed. "Are you hungry?"

"I've been snacking on and off while we've been working. There's a plate beside you; I've been keeping it hot for you." Her eyes glowed momentarily and he realized he'd been smelling the samosas for some time.

He winced. "Sorry. I tend to get a bit focussed."

"Yeah I know. That's fine, I expected that. This is your 'you' time, after all," she smiled and handed him a cup of tea. "Here are the numbers."

He looked at the data while devouring a samosa. "Not bad, not bad. The evolution's still too fast but at least this shows we're heading in the right direction. Good, good.. What algorhythm was that? Ah, right, good, I know where to go from there."

"Not a total loss, then?"

He took a quick gulp of tea, "No, not at all. Another failure, but definitely not a loss."

"What result are you hoping for?" He launched into a long explanation, full of technical jargon. Laurel listened patiently, asking relevant questions and seeking clarification when needed. The more she seemed to understand what he was talking about, the more animated he became.

"I'm sorry, I've been talking your ear off," he said at last, a bit sheepishly, "It's getting late.. You must be tired?"

Laurel shook her head, "Nah, I'm fine. I'm still running on Durlan time."

"Ah... right. ...I haven't asked how you've been."

"I've been fine."

"Still working on Durla, I take it. Is that difficult for you?"

Laurel stretched and smiled, "It's a challenge but it's paid off marvellously. I've made a lot of progress there."

"And... what is it that you do?"

She shrugged, "Humanitarian work, diplomacy... stuff that wouldn't interest you."

Querl rolled his eyes and smirked, "Hey, I just spent half an hour blathering about nanobots, the least I can do is hear about what _you_ like to do." Laurel laughed and started describing her mission work on Durla and in the surrounding systems. Querl had to admit, he really didn't know much about nuns in general, and precious little about the Sisters of the Eternal Cosmos. He'd expected, oh, giving alms, saving souls, running orphanages, praying a lot...

"All the ships are on the same network," Laurel was describing her favorite method of dispatching Khund fleets, "So I hacked into the system and told the central computer to lower the oxygen of the ships' atmospheres, just enough to knock 'em out, then I reprogrammed the route. The whole fleet wakes up halfway back to Khundia. Then it's just a matter of mopping up the ground troops." She refreshed her tea, took a sip and continued, "I've done that five times now. Last time I changed it to nitrous oxide - seventy-five ships full of laughing Khunds! The first time I did it, it took me ten minutes to hack in. I've gotten faster but they're finally getting 'clever'" - she mimed quotes, "And having their programmers scramble around with security, so it's taking me longer again."

"Hm, I have the latest Khund algorhythms. It shouldn't take me long to write a script for you. You're right, their idea of 'clever' isn't very."

"That would be much appreciated. Thanks!"

"I must admit, if contemplating the possible answers to the question of 'what do nuns do', 'running Khund blockades' isn't on the list."

Laurel grinned, "Hey, the relief supplies have to get through somehow! I'm frequently asked to do blockade runs. I'm famous for it - Sister Andromeda, Scourge of the Khunds." She laughed.

Querl snorted and smirked, then sighed, "Of all the things I might have thought you'd do with your life, being a nun was not one of them."

"Believe me, it was as much a surprise to me as to anybody else."

"You seem happy," he smiled, then hesitated, "I suppose... do you think you'd ever leave the order?"

"HA!! Well, that answers that question," she ignored his puzzled look, "To answer yours, no, I don't think I will. I am happy and I find my work fulfilling. And I'm making a lot of progress on my issues."

"That's good," he said, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice. Abruptly he turned away, closing up again. "Well, if you don't mind, it's quite late and I have to get back to work. I'm sure you can find your way back to the guest quarters."

Laurel grinned. When she was younger, she would have fallen for this. "No need. As I said, I'm running on Durlan time. I'm not tired yet."

"The next phase of my work is purely calculation. Although your assistance was appreciated, it is no longer required. ...I'll have that script for you in the morning," he added as an afterthought, "I assume that's what you wanted to speak to me about."

"Not at all. I came to visit you. I came to see you."

"..." He glanced at her, "Why?"

"I said I was making progress on my issues," she said dryly, "Plus I want your opinion on where I'm going wrong with my light-belt." She held up a length of fabric and circuitry.

He took it and examined it, "Light-belt?"

Sister Andromeda leaned her rump against the edge of the lab bench, propping her heel against the cupboard door and clasping her knee. "Well, everyone knows the Daxamite's weakness, right? Turn on the red sun lamps and presto, powerless Daxamite. So I thought - and I got the idea from your old forcefield belts, by the way - I thought, what about some sort of hidden light-belt that would emit yellow-spectrum rays and keep me powered up even under a red sun?"

"What's the problem?"

"It shines. Not hidden. Yeah I know, 'duh, _light_-belt.'"

"Visible light is only a small part of a star's electromagnetic spectrum. If it were the sole element contributing to Daxamite strength, you'd lose your powers in darkness, even with your 'solar battery' capabilities. In other words, you're on the right track. Ah, I see -- on the right track but going in the opposite direction."

"Eh?"

Querl pulled out his magnifier and soldering iron, "This won't take but a moment, I'll just add a few emitters and adjust the frequencies." A few minutes later, "Voila. Care to test it out?"

"Sure!" Laurel put the belt on and bounced over to the four-tonne plasma furnace, "Ready!" Querl turned on the red sun lamps and watched. As expected, Laurel picked up the furnace with ease, tossed it from hand to hand, then put it back down. "Squee!! Perfect! Exactly what I was after! Thank you!" She bounced back over to him and hugged him. Querl hugged back, too shocked to do anything else.

He knew he should draw back after a respectable couple of seconds, but he found that he just couldn't. What had he done to deserve this? (Although, truthfully, the more accurate question was usually "what had he done this time?") His attraction towards Laurel Gand had never made any sense to him and Metron knew, he'd tried to put it behind him for years. Yet as time went by, she became more and more appropriate. Her Khund solution and light-belt idea were examples: Her intelligence level might only be half of his, but she was _using _what she'd been given and that in itself put her ahead of half his Legion colleagues. It just wasn't fair that the only woman he'd ever loved was a xenophobic nun who, let's be frank here, didn't like him at all.

...who'd come expressly to visit him, had hugged him, still hadn't pulled away, and was purring quietly as he stroked his fingers through her hair. He must've missed a calculation somewhere, because something wasn't adding up. "...I thought you didn't like me?" he ventured.

Laurel chuckled low in her throat, "A couple of minutes ago, anyone would've thought you wanted me to leave." He wrestled with that in silence. "I gave a good impression of it, I'll admit," she said presently, "S'funny, because I used to think _you_ didn't like _me._ You were always so sarcastic towards me and shutting me out."

Querl blushed and shifted uncomfortably, "Yes... well... that's..."

"Like today."

"Ah... er..." She still hadn't let go and neither had he. "So... You **do** like me?"

"I said I have issues."

"That's an issue?"

"When you grew up White Triangle?"

"Ah. Yes." He sighed. "...What was your question?"

"Hm?"

"When I asked if you'd ever leave your order, you said that answered your question. What question?"

"Ah. Whether you were still interested in me or not."

He blushed deeply, "...Oh. ...Yes."

Laurel chuckled, "You're fidgetting again. You'd almost think they were right about your gynophobia."

He leaned back and stared at her, "My... **what?!?"**

"Fear of women."

"Yes, I know what it means, thankyouverymuch. Who the **sprock** says I'm gynophobic?!"

"Just about everybody," Laurel laughed, "I heard that rumour started after you chased Ayla out of the lab after she tried to give you a shoulder rub."

"She didn't even _ask_, Laurel, she just _started_ and it's not... You don't **do** that on Colu!"

Laurel was giggling, "I know. After I heard about it, I looked it up and just about died laughing. Poor girl must've had no clue what she was doing. Did she ever find out?"

"Not from me," Querl grumped, "And that doesn't make me a misogynist!"

"Gynophobe."

"Whatever!!" He sat fuming for a few moments while she giggled against his shoulder. "You know my betrothed mate tried to kill me?"

Laurel sat back in shock, "What?! Why?? ...no wait, that's a stupid question."

Querl smirked. "Her name is--was--Sharn Nux. She was hand-picked by the Council to be my life partner, and the mother of my inevitable child."

Laurel squinched up one cheek, reaching for her drink, "I have a problem with arranged marriage," she admitted.

"So did I," he half-smiled, wryly, "I wouldn't have had her with an all-over body condom AND my forcefield on full." Laurel had the misfortune of sipping her drink during that statement. Querl smirked, pleased. "She was bald."

"Lovely!"

"Not especially. She had a face like a fruit bat. And her voice? Well, it was quite pleasing, if you like the sound of cats being boiled alive..." By now Laurel was almost crying with laughter. "She was flat-chested, knock-kneed, utterly without anything resembling a sense of humour, and she sliced me open from groin to sternum."

Laurel stopped laughing. "Ouch."

"I told you she didn't have a sense of humour."

"They thought this would be a good mate for you why?"

Querl shrugged; he'd long wondered that himself. Sharn Nux had been a harridan even as a child and age hadn't mellowed her any. Neither of them had been happy with the news of being future bondmates. "To keep me in control, perhaps. We of the House of Dox have always been considered rather aberrant."

"I don't see why," said Laurel the Face of Perfect Innocence.

"I would thump you at this point, but it wouldn't be effective," Querl chuckled.

"So why'd she try to kill you?"

"Because I built Computo and she was an anti-AI agent."

"Oh, well, I can see where that could cause some tension in the relationship. It's no wonder you're gynophobic," Laurel said teasingly.

"I am **not** gynophobic!" Laurel giggled and he sighed - might as well come clean, before she got too close. If it drove her off again, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. "It's not women I'm afraid of; it's me."

"What do you mean?"

He lowered his head and turned partially away, not wanting to see her face. "The House of Dox isn't pure," he admitted, "I have an ancestor - my great-grandmother - who wasn't Coluan. She was... something else. We never did learn what her species was called." He sighed, then described the conception of Lyrl Dox, his grandfather, then of his mother, Brainiac 4. Then, what little he knew of his own conception. By then, the small hairs were standing up along the back of Laurel's neck. "So you see, it's in our genetic heritage now, and I don't... Given the personalities of Brainiacs 3 and 4, I don't know if they had any choice or if it was genetic prompting. I just know that I couldn't live with myself, if I did something like that."

_Does it make a difference? Does it truly make a difference if he's a halfbr...hybrid? He was then, he is now, he always will be. Is it really any worse than simply being alien, in the first place?_ Laurel told herself. The White Triangle condemned crossbreeding even more vehemently than merely being alien. She'd faced that down already; ultimately, this news didn't change anything. "Orange skin with white hair... Did she have red eyes and a crest of hair down her spine, do you know?" she asked.

"Stealth? Yes, I believe she did. She also had extraordinary healing abilities."

"So do you."

"As compared with Coluan normal, even with our medical technology - yes, but nothing like what Stealth was recorded as having. I take it you know something about this?"

"If she's from the species I'm thinking of, then I've met a few of them on my travels," Laurel said slowly. The Order's policies frowned on saying anything that would validate a person's fears about themselves, but this was a special case. "Most men have similar fears about their self-control... but you..." she sighed and admitted, "It's a valid concern. Those people are scary. They're a 'black widow' race. The females are capable of crossbreeding with a number of unrelated species and the offspring take the physical features of the fathers. I've... seen what was left of some of the males after..." She sighed again and sipped her drink, "They believe the males are a necessary evil - literally, they believe that males are evil and their religion teaches that, but I suspect that's a justification for... what comes naturally to them. They're hideously strong and blood, or any kind of violence, incites them. The females go into heat and seek out a mate. The males of the species..." She shook her head, "I'm sorry. If that's in the back pocket of your genes then.. yeah, your concern is justified."

Querl looked both despairing and relieved. "Well, now you know one of my secrets," he said sadly, "It's why I'm such a jerk - well, one of many reasons... You're right about inciting... violent emotion... So I do my best to act like a dick and keep people away so no one will ever want me, and thus avoid the whole issue."

"Oh, Querl..." Laurel reached out and hugged him close.

No one ever called him by his given name, not even Lyle. "And then you came into my life," he whispered, "I never figured on anything like that."

"Yeah... a Daxamite, how 'bout that," Laurel said thoughtfully.

"A xenophobic Daxamite."

"An **invulnerable** Daxamite."

"_Nigh_-invulnerable."

"SPOON!" they chorussed, then broke up laughing.

"Oh nass, I can't believe I remembered that!" Laurel laughed.

Querl grinned, "Lyle will be so proud."

She sat back and held both his hands. "I've fought them. The females are **much **stronger than the males, and I've bested them. And there ain't nothin' you can do to me." She saw him glance apprehensively at the red sun lamps and guessed what he was thinking. Invoking another one of Lyle's 20th-Century in-jokes, she put on a fake East European accent and said, "Vot hyu tink, I stupid or zomsing?!"

He got it and laughed. When he looked at her, his eyes were unguarded and vulnerable. "No. You're not stupid. You at least use the intelligence you have. You don't have stupid fixations or waste time or words frivilously... You just keep getting better," he looked away and whispered, "You're everything I never knew I wanted."

_She hated the Truth Game because it made you face things about yourself and then you had to do something about them -- but that was why she had joined the order. So she and the other novices had tossed the ball around the ring, asking spontaneous questions and blurting out the answers. Sister Areala never knew what had made her say it; she had spoken her truth, then tossed the ball to Sister Andromeda, asking "Who's your groom?" The answers filed onto her tongue: What kind of question was that; she didn't know; she didn't have one; she had broken the betrothal and left him behind on Daxam... _

_... but that wasn't what came out._

Laurel got up and sat beside him, hip to hip and shoulder to shoulder. "I know it hurt you when I quit the Legion," she said softly, "But I couldn't stay. There were a lot of reasons, but one of them was, it wasn't fair to you. I was hoping you would ask me why; I would have told you why. All of it."

He winced and looked down, "I don't think I handled that very well. I'm sorry."

She sighed and admitted, "I liked you, a lot... and I couldn't deal with that. I hated myself for feeling attracted to you and I hated you for making me feel that way. I had a lot of issues to work through. That's why I joined the Order. I didn't join for the religion, I joined because they offered the means I needed to make the changes I needed to make. But it was going to take a lot of time and there was no guarantee... You have your own life to live, there might have been someone else come along... I couldn't make you wait for something that might never happen. That's why I didn't visit very often - I couldn't keep breaking your heart every time I left again." She slipped her arm around his waist and felt him return the gesture.

"And... since you're here... have you dealt with it to your satisfaction?"

"...There's only one way to find out." She tilted her chin, and in her mind's ear, heard her White Triangle ancestors turn in their graves.

"How was that?" Querl asked softly, when they finally came up for air.

"Hmm... I don't know... That might have been a fluke."

"True. One cannot draw satisfactory conclusions based on a single experiment. That's not proper scientific procedure."

"We need to research more."

"Further experiments are called for."

"We'll have to vary the procedures, to account for every variable."

"I like the way you think."

Laurel giggled and rested her cheek on the top of Querl's head. "I haven't had a hug since I left Daxam," she reflected.

"You can have all the hugs you want," he told her, nestled beneath her ear.

"I might get greedy."

"I might too."

The locks released, the lab door spiralled open and Lyle Norg sauntered in calling "MORRRRRRNING!!!!" He moved to his habitual bench and started pulling bottles out of the cabinets. "Thought I'd come in and help you set up for the Legion of Super Hangovers," he said, "The first survivors are already trickling in to see Dr. Gym'll." Not hearing the expected snarky answer, Lyle turned, "Hel-lo?" He reached for his holographer to snap a pic.

"I'll get you for that later, Norg," Brainy murmured from his position beneath Andromeda's chin.

"And what have you two been doing, locked inside an empty lab all night unsupervised, hmmmmmmmmmmm?" Lyle teased.

"We just talked."

"'Just talked', uh huh. Well it can't have been too exciting, you've still got your clothes on."

"We just talked. Can't you tell by the clear air?"

Andromeda giggled and Lyle grinned, "You look pretty happy for a couple who 'just talked.'"

"I guess we liked what we heard," Andromeda smiled and nuzzled Brainy's hair.

_"Who's your groom?" Then the ball hit her hands and she spoke her Truth. _

_"...Querl Dox."_


	2. Kyrie

Kyrie a LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal 

Morning had broken, like the first morning. Sister Andromeda groaned, cracked an eye open to check the time, then flumped back into her pillow. It had been four days since the Legion's anniversary party and she was still getting over her spacelag. Of course, she'd have to do it all over again when she went back to Durla.

She was alone. No warm arms cradled her and though the curious smell of musky green tea still clung to the sheets, they had long since cooled. The mattress had reclaimed its shape, giving no indication of the body that had lain spooned against her, chest to her back, hip to hip, thigh to thigh, as close as her skin. No breath ruffled her hair.

_"Here is the code to my flat," he had told her, when she had finally tired enough to sleep, "There is no sense in taking one of the guest rooms while you are here. My flat should be quite sufficient and my bed is large enough to contain you comfortably."_

_"Do I get a teddy bear?" she'd said impishly and he'd replied, "I don't have one to give you. Will I suffice, instead?"_

She hadn't been surprised that he'd extended the invitation so soon; she'd anticipated that. What'd happened when she woke, that had surprised her: She'd had no idea that he could cook and the breakfast he'd offered her had been delicious.

Still, they were on different time schedules and he always had been early to wake. She stretched then got up to have a shower. After completing her morning rituals, she left the flat and headed towards the Legion commissary in search of breakfast.

"Sister Andromeda, hello!!" "Sister!" "Hey, Laurel Gand! Good to see you!"

"Hi guys!" Laurel set her breakfast down, accepting the chair that Chameleon had kicked out for her, "What's new?" She dug into her meal, listening to the chorus of answers - cadet try-outs, another diplomatic assembly, another training mission...

She was seated with the people who made her feel the most uncomfortable, Andromeda observed. Her misplaced loyalty to her people had nearly gotten Triad killed. Violet had raided her possessions and exposed her as a White Triangle member. And M'Onel was... well, he was who he was. All her own guilts, however: She felt comfortable with the Durlan, Chameleon, and counted him as among her friends.

After Cham asked about the news from Durla, the conversation drifted to Sister Andromeda's work there. Cham had compared her favourably to himself, being a lone representative in a distrusting world, constantly under scrutiny. The outer worlds, Daxam and the Order were all judged by Sister Andromeda, just as all Durla was judged by Chameleon. By then, others had drifted over and the conversation moved onto the teachings of her Valorite order itself.

"I couldn't believe it when I heard you'd become a nun!" Violet said.

"Neither could Brainy," Triad giggled.

"Well, I didn't join for the religion, although their theology makes sense to me," Sister Andromeda shrugged, "But really, I joined for the penance and the reformation. They're called the 'soul shapers', you know, because of their unique techniques."

"So whaddya do, sit around praying to Valor all day?" That was Thom. M'Onel was looking for the nearest exit.

"Nope. There are orders that worship Valor, but mine doesn't; that's one of the reasons why I chose it. We see Valor as a role model and try to emulate him, and try to cultivate in ourselves the qualities that the Order believes Valor had developed in himself," Andromeda replied. She grinned at M'Onel, mindful that there were many Legionnaires present who weren't in on the secret. "We use the 'soul shaping' techniques to accomplish those goals."

"And they work?" Thom sounded skeptical.

Jo grinned, "She was raised White Triangle and now she's shacked up with Brainy, what do you think?" When the laughter died down, he asked, "Isn't that illegal or something? I mean, you got rules against that, right? Won't you get kicked out?"

Laurel smirked, "Ah, no, you have us confused with the Valorite Sisters of the Eternal _Flame._ We're the Valorite Sisters of the Eternal _Cosmos."_

"Oh... right. I can see where I got confused."

More laughter and Laurel smiled, "Seriously, though, although there are strict rules, we're not cloistered nor celibate like the Flames, nor consecrated like the Brides of the Last Son."

"Poor Conner, all those Brides and he can't do nuffin' with 'em," Thom and Jo sniggered. Conner threw a bun at them and missed. "So you're free to get with whomever you please?" Jo asked.

"No, I did say there are rules. But I can pursue a relationship with Brainiac 5," Laurel assured him.

"That'll be interesting," Conner sniggered, "The guy's totally got problems with women."

Laurel pretended innocence, "No he doesn't. Where'd you get that idea from?"

"Well, there was that time he freaked out on Spark..."

"Who had just walked up and molested him."

"It was just a backrub!"

Laurel rolled her eyes, "Grife, don't you guys know _anything_ about Coluan physiology? The spine and scalp are secondary erogenous zones!" Jo shot coffee out his nose and Cham howled with laughter. Laurel glanced down at her breasts and added, "If someone grabbed _me_ without so much as a by-your-leave, they'd be on their way to the moon without a transuit!" Triad and Violet were almost crying with laughter and M'Onel was facepalmed.

Conner blushed and scratched the back of his head, "Oh.. uh.. I guess we just kinda think of him as a green human, sort of thing. I never thought of something like that."

"Apparently nobody else did, either," Laurel grinned then looked down at a chime from her comm. Her smile faded as she read the communication. "Sorry, guys, I gotta go talk to Brainiac. Thanks for the company." She got up and waved, then walked down the halls, headed for the Omnilab.

"Hmmm..." _plink!_ "... oh no." **BOOM!** Brainiac 5 lowered his forcefield and scowled at the black patch on the ceiling, "Well, that could have gone better." He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned, "Oh. Laurel."

"Well, it's business as usual in here, I see," she said, picking bits of debris out of her hair.

Querl plucked a ceramic shard out of Laurel's cleavage, "Yes. Hm. Perhaps I should check to ensure these are undamaged. There might be more lodged in there somewhere." He drew a finger lightly along the neckline of her shirt, then looked up and smiled.

Laurel was grinning, then looked concerned, "How's the bruising?"

"It's gone," he replied, "I do have my own tissue regenerator, you know."

"I'm really sorry," she said for the umpteenth time in three days, "That hadn't occurred to me at all. I was so concerned about crushing you and it never even occurred to me that I could... crush you."

"I can assure you, I didn't even notice, at the time," Querl smirked, "I didn't think of it either. Yes, that is an admission of historical importance and you may note it for posterity, though I'd appreciate if you didn't mention the exact circumstances." She laughed. "Our experiments have produced results," he told her.

Laurel mock-pouted, "Awwww, does that mean we have to stop?"

"No. It does mean we may dispense with the pressure sensors and the electromagnetic frequency meters. It also means we may retire from the lab and thus not have to worry - as much - about the voyeur committee, or Apparition's habit of walking through the walls without knocking."

"Or forgetting to lock the door," Laurel grinned wickedly.

"I had my mind on other matters," he retorted, "Besides, it was Lyle and he's committed the same oversight. With Rond." Laurel doubled over laughing. "I have already programmed the appropriate EM setting into my flat's lighting. You may notice a difference tonight." He drew her close and reached up to kiss her. "Of course, we'll have to test the hypothesis," his voice became ever so slightly seductive.

Laurel giggled, "We know I've sufficient wetware and if your firmware is restored to operational capacity..." Querl rolled his eyes and blew a raspberry into her cleavage. Laurel shrieked with laughter and hugged him. "...Hey, where'd you go?"

"Mmoh, don'f mihnd me, juft making fure fere's no more defris in here..."

"That's a pretty deep chasm. You sure you can breathe?"

"Acfually, I fink I'm loft. You may haf to fring in sufflies."

Laurel hugged him and sighed. For once, she didn't want to do this. "Speaking of which... I just got notified. My leave's been cut short." Querl froze. "They need me for another blockade run. I have to ship out tonight."

He looked up at her, his mixed emotions flashing rapidly across his face as he tried to decide how to react. "How long will you be gone?" _This time,_ his expression added.

"I don't know. It depends on how long they need me, whether I get reassigned right away... I don't always get blockade runs, it could be menial stuff like medical or counselling or outreach..."

Querl closed his eyes briefly, not wanting her to see the conflict in them. When he opened them, they were guarded. "I won't beg you to stay, not the least because I know it wouldn't do any good."

"A nun's life isn't very exciting... You'd be bored," she blurted.

He pulled away, looking slightly hurt, "Is that why you don't want me along. You're afraid I'll start whining about how dull it all is."

Laurel looked puzzled, "I didn't say I didn't want you along! I'd love for you to come along, I'm just worried that you'd be bored. There isn't enough room for a lab on my skiff and if you blew it up we'd have no place to sleep. I hate sleeping in open space, I always wake up a million kilometers off course, that's why I bought the skiff..." She stopped, aware that she was babbling in her nervousness. "And I know you're committed to the Legion. I just didn't want you to feel pressured one way or the other."

"If the Le--" A high-pitched squeal erupted from one of the comm speakers, making him wince. He scowled at it, almost glad of the interruption.

"You sprockhead, you hit the wrong button! He's gonna figure it out!" came Chuck's anxious whisper.

Brainiac gestured for Laurel to cover her ears, then sent a feedback pulse along the route, blasting out the speakers at the other end. "Oh yes, it'd be so difficult to leave all_ this_ behind."

"What was that all about?"

"That was the Legion of Super Testosterone-poisoning, engaged in another attempt at voyeurism."

**"What?"**

"Ever since Chuck and Gear stole my holosnap collection, the less mentally-developed of my collegues have been attempting to catch me out at Metron only knows what and I don't care to speculate, by means of rigging up spy cameras, microphones and similar devices in the lab and occasionally in my quarters."

"Hence the plasma field around the door which you can survive with your forcefield on and I can survive by virtue of being Daxamite."

"And sundry other traps primarily aimed at Ultra Boy and Superboy. If they get through the plasma field, something else will get them."

"Why'd Chuck and Gear steal your holosnaps? Which holosnaps?"

"That lovely collection that Lyle made for my birthday some time ago."

"What?! You mean those pics of me and Ayla and Imra and Nura? And Lyle? I took the one of Lyle."

"It was well done. Yes, all charming images of the people I consider to be most important to me. For some reason, possibly due to the civilian garments and their associated display of physical assets, they mistook them for- " his lip curled into a derisive sneer, _"Cheesecake."_

"Where were they that they could steal them?"

"In an unlocked drawer in the lab."

"Oh yeah, that's where I'd keep my smut. Are they still walking?"

He gave her a Look and a smirk, "Please. They tried to blackmail me with them because they also stole my experimental nanobots and endangered the whole Legion. I was very fond of that image of you, so it didn't take much to tip me from merely annoyed to 'not getting mad, getting even.' I deposited Chuck in a mall in the 20th Century at the height of the Furby craze, with a mint-in-package Furby."

"No idea what that is, but having seen the frenzy when the Teletrons came out..."

"A mere hundredth of the insanity of a 20th-Century Furby riot, I assure you. I did give him medical attention when I brought him back."

"I'd say 'poor guy' but I spent an hour choosing just the right outfit. What'd you do to Gear?"

"Ah! I was slightly more lenient with Gear since it was Chuck who put him up to it," Querl touched a button, "This is the 'leekspin' song. I uploaded a virus into the Legion computer so that the next time Gear accessed it, it would, at random intervals, cause him to sing this while doing a Russian dance." Laurel nearly fell over laughing. "I got him to 'fess up as my condition for, I quote, making it stop. Whereupon I switched it to 'Badgerbadgerbadger.'"

Laurel wiped her eyes, "Oh grife, you are _evil!_ Does anybody know you're capable of this kind of cruelty?"

Querl smirked and rolled his eyes, "Laurel, please - you do know who the original Brainiac _was?_ Brainiac 2 was Vril Dox, founder of L.E.G.I.O.N, yes, but also a master manipulator who made Machiavelli's _Prince_ look like an amateur. Josef Mengele was a Lyrl Dox wannabe. And of course, my own dear mother, Brainiac 4, was leader of the Dark Circle. So this comes as a surprise, why?"

"It's just that you're so _nice_ about it," she laughed, "Okay, I retract my concern, although now I'm wondering why you haven't quit."

"It's the lab, I promise you. I can blow it up without the walls caving in."

"Doesn't that take all the fun out of it?"

"Not really. I don't have to wait for Chuck to rebuild it before I blow it up again," Querl smirked, then rested his head against Laurel's shoulder, "That's another reason to go with you. Chuck once asserted that I was, I quote, 'Save the world smart, not clean up afterwards smart.' I simply can't let a slur against my intellect go unchallenged."

Laurel grinned then hugged him and stroked his hair. "You gotta stop shutting me out and assuming I've changed my mind about you, every time we hit an obstacle." she said softly.

Querl's head jerked back and he stared at her, then blushed and looked away. Laurel pulled him back onto her shoulder. "I'm sorry," he sighed, "I'm _still_ not very good at this."

"It's okay. It's just something we'll have to work on together."

Querl sighed and closed his eyes, "I like that 'together' part. I want to be with you, but I won't try to make you rescind a decision that you've already made. I won't try to make you do something you don't want to do."

"Neither will I," she said, snugging him, "I'm not sure how we'll make this work... I'm based on Durla but I move around a lot."

"Already thinking about that problem. A variant of the thresholds will work, I'll just have to work out the specifics." He leaned up to kiss her cheek, "If you'll accompany me back to our flat, I'll retrieve my luggage and you can ship out on your mission to pwn the Khunds."

Laurel grinned and looped her arm around his waist as they walked out. "'Pwn?'"

"Early 21st-Century slang, comes from their illogical keyboard arrangement..."

"Hey Brainy!! There you are! We've been looking all over for you!"

Brainiac 5 shouldered his carrying case and winced. "I think I'll mail in my notice of leave," he muttered as he locked his flat's door.

"Come see what we brought you from Borneo!!"_ "Koko?"_

Querl's eyes went wide. "Oh no..._** RUN!!!"**_ Laurel seized his hand and, laughing, they ran.


	3. Alive and Kicking

Alive and Kicking a LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal 

_"Morning Sunshine! Hoo hoo, guess who just found out that you slipped your leash! Cos threw an absolute wobbler. I guess he's afraid he'll have to do the thinking. I just can't understand why you'd want to get away from this place for a while, especially following Sister Andi on her nun runs. Anyhoo, hope you're having fun, don't wish you were here, don't come back soon... No, seriously, make Cos work for it, he totally deserves it the way he's spazzing out about it. Take care! PS: Im in ur lab, sprockin' up ur xperimentz! Ha! That's me, LOL Norg! Ha! I keel mahself.. Bye!"_

Brainiac 5 resisted the urge to run straight back to Legion World and oust Lyle. He closed the correspondance holo and checked the remainder of his messages: The majority were from Cosmic Boy and - judging by the subject headers - in various degrees of mounting hysteria. He curled his lip as another one arrived with a chime.

"Anything interesting?" Sister Andromeda returned from the cockpit of the skiff.

Querl closed the reader and looked up, "No. It appears Cosmic Boy has nothing better to do than to pester me with correspondances every five minutes, and that Lyle has nothing better to do than to try to needle me."

She grinned and looped her arms around his waist, "You don't sound too concerned about it."

"Nope," he smiled, "I have much more interesting things to think about."

"Such as?"

"Holidaying in the mountains," he leaned forward to nuzzle her cleavage, "And I hear there's good spelunking to the south."

Laurel fairly roared with laughter and hugged him tight. "I haven't laughed this much in a long time."

"They say that every time you laugh adds a day to your lifespan. My goal is to extend yours to functional immortality," he smiled.

She ruffled his hair, "Hmm, the way your life's been, you'll expire before you're forty-five. I can't have that."

"Ah, no, the way to assure a Coluan's continued existance is to ensure that he receives his recommended daily dose of Daxamite."

"And what's the recommended dosage for the 12th level Coluan? I understand they have special needs."

"Oh quite so, quite specific, in fact. The recommended Daxamite must be two meters tall, blonde, blue eyes..."

"Twelfth level brawn?"

"There's no such scale."

"There can be! We just make a scale with twelve divisions and put me at the top! ...and those wussy Khunds somewhere below the bottom."

Querl gave her one of his trademark 'fond smiles disguised as a smirk' and pulled her down for a kiss. "The algorhythm is performing as designed?"

"Oh yes. I went with nitrous oxide again but this time exhausted it into their engine afterburners."

"Oh my!"

"And I liked your touch of uploading those holovids of _The Lawrence Welk Show_ for their in-flight entertainment on the way home. Tell me, did you spend _all_ your time in the 20th Century looking for ways to torture people?"

"I didn't have to look very hard. 97.335768 percent of 20th century media entertainment would be outlawed today by the tenth Geneva Convention as cruel and unusual punishment," Querl grinned.

"It seems the Khunds are trying to box clever," Laurel told him, "Only half of the ships were networked; the rest are independant and they're moving into an engagement formation."

"Show me." He followed her into the cockpit and examined the blockade, "Hmm. And what assets do we have in terms of weaponry?"

"Sonic shock cannons, bubble guns, a dynamic field generator, a wave motion gun..."

Querl peered out at the small flock of relief ships, "They've got all that?"

"Oh, no no no. That's just my ship."

"You've got a _wave motion gun?_ On a _skiff?"_

"Yes?" Laurel touched a padd and displayed the skiff's arsenal.

Querl stared at it. "This isn't a skiff, this is a one-woman destroyer!"

Laurel shrugged, "I run a lot of blockades."

"So this **is** the First Convent of Combat Evangelists." Laurel grinned and he shook his head, "The sonic cannons would be useful. Out of atmosphere, they'd never collect enough sound out of the skiff alone, but..."

"Uh, actually, I bolster them with my voice."

Querl closed his eyes and pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. "Really. You scream into the sonic collectors with your Daxamite powers of super-bellowing, I presume."

"I think of it as primal scream therapy. Bad?"

"Oh no, no, that's perfect, that's exactly what we need." He sighed and pointed to the coordinates screen, "Move to this position and deploy your sonic cannons here, onto this ship."

Laurel's hands moved over the navcomp as she obeyed, "And then what?"

"Then watch the fun. It'll be just like championship billiards."

"You play billiards?"

"Please. The game consists of smacking little balls around with sticks. As such, it is much enjoyed by the Legion of Puerile Voyeurs."

Laurel chuckled, "Alright then. Eight Khunds in the corner pocket. Put up the dampening field so I don't burst your eardrums."

"Do any of those other ships have sonic cannons equipped?"

Laurel didn't reply directly but opened a comm channel, "Sister Areala, this is Sister Andromeda. Get your shock cannons firing up."

"The sonic shock cannons? Why?"

"Tell her to move into this position here," Brainiac pointed, "Then wait forty-five seconds after your shot to fire on this vessel here."

Laurel relayed the instructions, to Sister Areala's doubtful incredulity. "Uh, hello, we're in space, remember? It's a vacuum! 'No one can hear you scream', there's nothing for the sonic waves to pass through!"

"Just do it, Sister," Laurel grinned, "Trust us, it'll work." She closed the channel and watched as one of the big freighters began to move. Then she glanced at Brainiac, "...Why's it going to work in vacuum? I mean, I know it's not true vacuum, there's hydrogen and stuff but most of the and-stuff is too dispersed."

"Quite so. Except that someone recently dumped a lot of nitrous oxide into this vicinity," Querl grinned and triggered the sound dampening field. Laurel finished powering up her weapons, then fired on the indicated ship.

The shock wave struck the ship under its gyros and knocked it out of attitude. It tumbled away and slammed into a neighboring ship, sending that one skirling off to slam into another one. Sister Areala's freighter fired its cannons and more Khund ships were sent skittering. The relief ships pushed forward into the pathway cleared by the tumbling ships and sailed on towards the planet.

Cheers erupted over Laurel's comm and she jumped up to hug Querl enthusiastically, "Beautiful! That was artistic!"

"Mmm, not yet, but it will be in another four seconds," he said. He tapped the padd and superimposed tangent lines onto the display, connecting the dots with each Khund ship.

"A rose!" Laurel gasped, watching the animated petals unfurl as the ships tumbled away, "Awwwwwww...! That's sweet!"

"I'm allergic to pollen but this opportunity presented itself," Querl smiled, pleased.

"It's so clever! Thank you! And I would never have thought of using the sonic cannons like that."

"You would have thought of it eventually," Querl sighed.

Laurel glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, noting the odd tone just barely present in his voice. "Maybe."

"You thought of using your voice to power your sonic cannons. I'd been about to suggest that."

She took his hands. "What's bothering you?" she asked softly.

He shook his head and looked away, "Nothing..."

"Mm-hmm. There was an ellipsis after that." She stroked his jaw and tipped his chin up, but he looked away again.

Querl sighed and admitted, "...I guess I'm wondering what you need me for."

Sister Andromeda hugged him close and thought about what to say. She'd been preparing for this for years, working hard to develop her creative intellectual process, to address this situation. This, she knew, was one of the core problems that drove Brainiac 5's socialisation issues. The pattern had been set early and repeated even now, ingraining it deeply. "You're right. Although his help is invaluable and appreciated, I don't _need_ Brainiac 5. It seems that everybody needs Brainiac 5... but nobody wants Querl Dox." He jerked back and stared at her and she saw that she'd hit the bullseye and cut deep. She pulled him back onto her shoulder and felt him shiver.

Querl pressed his face against the hollow of Laurel's shoulder and blinked back tears. Grife, didn't she just put into words what he'd always felt? They all needed his 12th level mind but nobody gave a sprock about **him.** Colu, the U.P., the Legion... if they could've put his brain in a jar and discarded the person who went with it, they would've. He struggled with the upwelling emotions, knowing them to be childish and untrue - mostly - but nevertheless they were there and very strong. They'd been strong when Andromeda had told him she was quitting the Legion. They were _very_ strong when he'd returned from the Second Galaxy.

And the Legion of Super Pricks weren't helping any. The boys whose quarters were practically wall-papered with girly pics (and a few boyly pics) thought it was so bizarre and unusual that he had a few images of his dearest friends looking their most attractive. And then they rigged up spy cameras and stupid microphone stunts, making him so paranoid he couldn't even approach the lavatory without running a scan first. What the sprock were they hoping to catch him out at? Being a normal male organic? And they thought it was _funny..._

Laurel hadn't. Candidly she'd told him that it was one of the reasons she didn't like to hang around the Legion for very long. They were all in, or approaching, their twenties now, but a lot of them still behaved like it was "hero highschool." He found her hand and threaded his fingers through hers, thinking about the implications of what she had said.

"So," he said at last, "What you're saying is, you only want me for my body."

Laurel giggled, relieved. She kissed the top of his head, "That's right! You're my twelfth-level cabana boy!"

He laughed outright at that. "Well... alright, but I'm not wearing Cos's Chippendale uniform."

"Cos's_... what?!"_

Querl smirked, "A couple of years ago, the Arthamites were offering suggestions for redesigning some of our uniforms. Some of them were... imaginative, to say the least. For Cosmic Boy, they suggested magnetic fabric in... Well, imagine his uniform without the purple parts.** Only** the black bits, **nothing** else."

Laurel started to laugh, "Oh no..."

"The Arthamites thought the look said 'sexy and masculine.' We thought it screamed 'Chippendale dancer.'"

Laurel broke up laughing, "Wait... is that why Umbra's wearing..."

"A couple of postage stamps and some string? - yes. She was one of the few who accepted the new designs. The rest of us sent the Arthamites back to their drawing boards. With cleats." Laurel got a wicked gleam. "No."

"What?"

"I know what you're thinking and no! I'm not going to discuss it!"

"Was it that bad?"

**"Yes!"**

"Awwwww, c'mon, it couldn't have been that bad..."

"I believe the phrase Lyle used was 'disco diarrhea.'" Laurel collapsed laughing onto his shoulder. "We would've been calling Lyle 'Visible Kid.'"

"Oh grife... And I thought what they'd given me was bad."

"I liked your uniform. I thought it was very flattering on you."

"I still have it somewhere."

"Oh... _really."_

"Mmm hmmmmm," Laurel cooed coquettishly. She glanced up at the display and saw the planet filling the view, "Planetfall in ten. There are ground forces so it's going to be a rough landing and they'll be firing on us the whole way." She glanced at him, "Actually, if you can pilot the skiff, I can go out there and warn them off."

"But that trick never works."

Laurel set the skiff's field to hold its internal environment then opened the roof hatch. "No, because they're Khunds. Then we hit them with everything we've got."

"Laurel..." She looked down into Querl's concerned eyes. His arms slid around her waist and she heard a click. It was one of his old forcefield belts. "You're only_ nigh_-invulnerable," he said softly, "Roxxas was killed; you could be, too. Please be careful."

She felt the pressure of tears and cupped his cheek. "You're so different," she whispered, "I've never been with anyone who cared about me like you do." She leaned forward and kissed him softly. Then she climbed out of the hatch and flew away, leaving sonic booms in her wake. Querl watched her go, wondering what she meant.

"That's him?"

"Apparently."

"He doesn't look like much."

"She says the looks are deceiving and so is the 'public face.'"

_Ah, the sharks are circling already. This will be the beginning of what Ayla calls the 'sniff test,'_ Querl thought. He was standing with a small knot of people, helping to coordinate the relief efforts for maximum efficiency. The commenting nuns were out of human earshot, but not Coluan; nevertheless, Querl pretended not to hear.

"Hmph. Well, after the amount of work she's invested in herself, he'd better be worth it, that's all I can say."

_I wonder how long it'll be before she decides I'm not,_ Querl thought pessimistically.

"I know. It wouldn't be the first time that a girl has made herself over for a boy and gotten shafted. But it'd be so much worse because it's **her.** _sigh_ **Why** did she invest so much work in herself for a boy, anyways? That doesn't seem like her."

"It was her Truth. Once she recognised it, she had to work toward it. She does seem happy."

"They all do, at first. When the bloom is off the rose, that's when you find out the _real_ Truth."

"Hmph. Well, he'd better treat her better than her fiance did, that's all I can say."

_'Fiance?' Laurel had a fiance? When was this?_

"I know, the poor girl, to have to flee like that, and then to be drafted and packed off-world in disgrace..."

_Laurel had a fiance before she joined the Legion?_

"She credits him with putting her feet on the path. Hmph. Well, he'd just better recognise the value of what he's got, that's all I can say."

"Clearly, that is not all you can say." Oops, that slipped out. A pity, he would have liked to have eavesdropped some more. Oh well, nothing for it; he turned and smiled pleasantly at the mortified nuns, "I do thank you for your concern about Sister Andromeda, and I am certain that I can put your fears to rest. Sister Andromeda has long held a special place in my heart and will continue to do so for quite some time." The gossips fled and he turned back to the laughing engineers. Once their various projects were underway, Querl went in search of his lover.

She was helping with distribution. Querl watched her from a distance, noting how she reached out without hesitation. So many people, so many species and races, in various degrees of poverty and health... She'd come a long way from the girl who'd treasured her transuit because it kept the touch of aliens from sullying her. As she worked, she was discussing her Order's teachings with the novices and acolytes. Querl listened as she talked about purification rites, the Stars of Valor, the Tree of Life and the Order's theosophical views. He wasn't familiar with any of the material, but she answered the questions put to her with reasoned and complete thinking. It sounded like she knew her stuff.

She was highly regarded by other members of her Order - and several of the other Orders represented, he noted. It appeared that Sister Andromeda was widely admired; some of the younger novices practically idolised her. Many looked to her as their inspiration, which Querl found interesting. Between that and the gossip, he realised just how little he knew about the woman he professed to love. Who was Sister Andromeda? Who was Laurel Gand?

Someone nudged her and pointed; Laurel looked up at him and waved, smiling that sunny smile that hadn't left her face - or her eyes, no matter whose hand she clasped. Querl waved back and - mindful of the gossip - blew her a kiss. She mimed catching it then turned away to assign a monk as a first responder. Querl turned to return to the skiff.

Laurel had a fiance? She had joined the Legion in disgrace? He knew she'd been drafted, as had he, but that information shed more light on how she'd behaved. He made tea and thought about the comment she'd made, about never having been cared about the way he did. What did that mean? Did it relate to the cryptic comment she had made after the first time they'd made love? ..or tried to, until his non-Coluan side got the better of him. She had brushed it off afterwards, saying, "I used to have a boyfriend who liked it rougher than that. ...mind you, he didn't stay my boyfriend for very long." That had upset him but she had insisted that the circumstances were completely different. Besides, he was gaining control over it with practice. ...still needed more practice though... lots of practice, aheh...

The chime of a correspondance reader derailed his fantasies, startling him. He mopped up the spilled tea, seeing that it was Laurel's reader, not his. After noting the priority flag, he picked it up and went out to find Laurel.

"This just arrived for you. It was marked urgent. Although that never means anything to me, I thought it might to you."

"Yeah, I don't get quite as many urgent flags as you do," she grinned. Then she frowned, "This is from the Abbess. She wants to see me at the abbey on Zurel right away."

"Ah," Querl tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice and failed miserably, "I'll return to Legionworld then. Cos will be pleased."

Sister Andromeda shook her head, looking puzzled. "No," she said and looked at him, "She's requesting you, too. Specifically."

**"What?** Why?"

She handed him the reader so he could see for himself, and shook her head again, "I haven't got a clue. I've only seen the Abbess a few times. Usually her assistant, the Mother Superior, mentors me." She sighed, "C'mon then. We'd better not keep her waiting." She said her goodbyes then climbed into the cockpit of her skiff and began programming her course.

Querl went back into the cabin to make another pot of tea, thought about it and pulled a silverale instead. Why would Laurel's Abbess want to see _him?_ He wasn't even Valorite! Given the attitudes of the other nuns and the esteem in which Sister Andromeda appeared to be held, only one thing came to mind: This was going to be the worst 'sniff test' ever.


	4. China In Your Hands

China In Your Hands a LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal 

The miniature image of Brainiac 5 was apparently lounging in a comfortable chair, to judge by his position. He was holding a cup of tea. When he spoke, it was in that dry sarcastic voice everyone knew and loved to dread.

_"Subject: Where the sprock I am,"_ he said, causing snickers among the viewers. _"Cos, I am deeply sorry to hear that 1) the Omnilab is in a shambles, 2) Lyle is desperately struggling to compensate for my sudden and irresponsible absence, 3) chaos reigns in the control center without my valued input, 4) there are at least twenty-three matters requiring my immediate attention, and 5) Timmy fell in the well." _Lyle paused the holo-recording to allow everyone to regain their composure and wipe their eyes. _"Please rest assured that I will address each of these issues in order of their importance upon my return. When that return will be is yet to be determined, but I assure you I will notify you as soon as I get back to Legion World. Until then,** try** not to blow up the planet? Querl Dox, out."_

"S'no wonder steam shot out of Cos's ears," Lyle smirked.

It was a bright and sunny day. The abbey of the Valorite Sisters of the Eternal Cosmos wasn't quite what Querl had been expecting; he wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but an airy complex of low buildings wasn't it. There was an ambiance of freshness about the place, and he suspected it'd be there even if it were raining.

"You look exceptionally chaste," Querl purred. Sister Andromeda had changed into her formal habit and was wrapping her hair up beneath a white veil. "If only they knew."

Laurel laughed and kissed his cheek, "I keep telling you, we're not a celibate order."

"For which we both give thanks, I'm sure." He leaned over her shoulder as she brought the skiff in for a landing in the abbey's hanger. "You do look quite modest under all those robes, though. There's almost enough room to fit me in there with you. Do you think anyone would notice if I stole in under your skirts? I'm sure I could find ways to amuse myself..."

Laurel kissed him then took his hand and lead him through the hanger and into the courtyard. She kept giggling because, although his face was composed, Querl kept whispering naughty suggestions under his breath that only she could hear. "You are such a brat!" she murmured, then did a double-take at the figure emerging from the abbey,_ "M'Onel?!!"_

"Oh, hi, Sister Andromeda, hi Brainy... Did they let you go or did you escape?"

"It's my best Steve McQueen impression," Querl said, recovering, "I never thought I'd see_ you_ here, M'On."

"Yeah, well, y'know, I was in the neighborhood, thought I'd stop by and give this to Sister Andromeda," M'Onel handed her a package, "I remembered you saying you were a championship dancer, so when I found this, I thought of you."

"Thanks, but..."

"Well, time's running short, it was nice seeing you at the party by the way, hope you had fun."

"I did, but..."

"Gotta run... Catch you both later..." M'Onel lifted off into the sunlight, waving.

Laurel and Querl looked at each other. "Okay, that was surreal."

"Exceptionally," Querl agreed, "He's hiding something."

"M'Onel always finds me on Durla! How could he know I'd be_ here?_ I'd only just been summoned!"

"There's only one way to find out." They stepped into the abbey foyer and Laurel led them down the hall to the antechamber outside the Abbess's office. The secretary nodded towards the open office door and waved them in.

Querl looked around, noting the tiny security cameras mounted near the ceiling and in the cabinets behind the Abbess's chair. He took the visitors' chair beside Laurel, glanced at Laurel, then glanced at the Abbess herself.

She was a wizened woman who had probably been small in her prime and was shrunk to tiny, now. Bright eyes sparkled from a face so wrinkled and so grey with age, it was difficult to tell what race she was. She greeted Andromeda with warm formality, then turned, "And who are you?"

"Reverend Mother, this is--" The Abbess held up a hand and hissed, cutting Laurel off.

"I asked him," she said, her gimlet eyes boring into Querl's, "Who are you?"

He met her gaze steadily, "I am Brainiac 5, Reverend Mother."

"'Brainiac 5.' What a strange name. I can't imagine a child growing up with a name like that. Are such names normal on your world?"

"No, Reverend Mother," Querl answered, wondering where this was going, "It's actually my title. My name is Querl Dox, but everybody calls me 'Brainy'." _Whether I like it or not..._

"And is that who you are, Mr. Five?"

_Grife! These nuns don't waste time nunning, do they? First Laurel and now this old bat! Do they have to pry into **everyone's** heads?_ As the silence stretched out, Querl realized he hadn't answered the old woman. Then he realized he had no answer to give. The Abbess smiled, "Perhaps that's what you are here to discover."

"I'm here because I was requested to be here for reasons unknown," Querl said, disturbed to find he was feeling unsettled by this dried-up little gnome, "I should be returning to Legion World."

"Where I'm sure you truly long to be," the old woman's eyes sparkled with amusement, "I wished to meet you. He must be quite an exceptional man, who would inspire such dedicated work as Sister Andromeda has poured into herself, to feel herself worthy. Do you feel she is worthy, young man?"

Querl arched one eyebrow, "I was not aware that I would be requested to render judgment, Reverend Mother. Nor do I know on what quality of Sister Andromeda I am expected to render judgment."

The ambiguous answer seemed to please the old woman; her face spread into a wide apple-doll grin. "And what are your intentions regardng her?" she asked next. Andromeda herself was fidgetting - this was definitely not what she was expecting.

"Intentions?" Querl looked both puzzled and annoyed, "If you're asking about future plans, Reverend Mother, I do not believe that Sister Andromeda and I have discussed such. However, it is and continues to be my intention to court her in whatever way she finds acceptable."

The tiny face folded into a bright smile and the Abbess giggled in that charming little-old-lady way, that way that sounds so innocent but belies a lifetime of experience. Finally she turned to Sister Andromeda, "And you, my dear. You are well respected in our Order. However, it is held by many that one has but one life to dedicate. Those who pursue a more domestic dedication normally leave our Order." The old woman looked at her expectantly and Andromeda paled as she realized what was being asked of her.

Querl shared a glance of naked alarm with Laurel. Laurel's gaze dropped to her lap as her head whirled. _Leave the Order? But, I thought there wasn't a rule...? I have to leave? But I love the Order, I love my work on Durla! Where would I go? What would I do? Go back to the Legion? ..oh grife.. but... leave Querl? But I did so much and we're getting along so well and I'm sure he's proud to be with me..._ She threaded ice-cold fingers through his. "...i'm sorry..." she whispered. Querl felt his heart drop into his stomach and his face went blank. "I'm sorry, Reverend Mother," Laurel said softly, tears quivering on her lashes, "I guess my path leads elsewhere now."

"Oh. Then you'll be staying with us?"

Laurel looked up, puzzled, "Huh? But... No, I meant... I.. want to be with Querl..."

"So your path has not changed."

Laurel slumped back, looking hopelessly confused. The old woman was grinning like a jack-o-lantern. Querl looked from one nun to the other, then burst out laughing,_ That cunning old bat!_ He turned to Laurel and said, "I think the Abbess is asking whether you intend to elope with me, now that you've accomplished your goals with the Valorite methods."

"Shh! Why'd you have to go and spoil my fun?" the Abbess grinned, "Sister Andromeda has been an admirable example of Valorite principles. There are many who look up to her as their inspiration. Her story is widely known among the Valorite orders; having used the Valorite teachings to transform herself from her ignomous origins and develop true valor, she is widely revered. There is an unofficial faction of dedicants who call themselves the Andromedans, who have devoted themselves to emulating her example." Andromeda's jaw fell into her lap and she turned white. "Indeed, Valor himself had nothing but praise for her."

_**That's** what M'Onel was doing here!_ Querl thought. "How did you know...?"

The Abbess smiled, "There are a scant few among the Orders who know, and we keep the secret. Our interview was based upon his serving alongside Sister Andromeda in the Legion, and upon their subsequent friendship. Yes, the irony amused both of us." She steepled her fingers. "Many girls come to the Order to straighten out their souls, with the motivation of young men.. who often aren't worth the effort," the Abbess sniffed. Her twinkle-eyed glance at Querl indicated he measured up, in her estimation. "Normally, when such girls achieve their goals, we bid them farewell and they go on to their new lives. However, Sister Andromeda here presents us with a bit of a puzzler."

Querl was grinning with relief, "Because if she leaves the order, those who have dedicated themselves to service in her name could well feel themselves disenfranchised."

"Precisely. Sister Andromeda is considered to be a shining example of Valorism. However, the duties of an abbess are onerous.. " Laurel made a strangled noise. "An abbess is mother not to one or four, but to hundreds. Though it is not forbidden for an abbess to have a personal family, most find it too difficult. Most choose one or the other."

"I am sure there have been some rather exceptional exceptions. Sister Andromeda appeared to believe herself sufficiently adept to pursue a relationship as well as her calling," Querl was smirking openly now, fully aware that they were both driving Andromeda to distraction, not only by the subjects under discussion but simply because they were talking as though she wasn't there.

"Indeed. Of course, the final decision will be hers."

Querl turned and gave Laurel a mildly inquiring look, "Sister Andromeda? What are your thoughts?"

"There's an _order_ named after me?!?" Laurel exploded finally, incredulous.

"Yes, yes, Laurel, that's already been established. Get on the same omnipage as the rest of us, won't you?" Still smirking, Querl snapped his fingers a couple of times. "Quick game, got to keep up."

"but...but... an abbess?? **Me?!?** but.. .but... I'm..."

"Highly recommended, although I personally feel your talents are better suited to mentoring rather than administration," the Abbess replied, her eyes glittering like diamond raisins. She was enjoying this.

So was Querl, who couldn't resist goading her, "It's all your own fault, you know. You shouldn't have been such an effective nun."

"I didn't think I was!"

"Well, perhaps you should have tried harder to be a failure. Then you wouldn't have this problem." He smirked his best condescending smirk, making the Abbess giggle again.

"The Order wishes to formalise the Andromedans into an official chapter. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to begin abbess training." the old woman said. Laurel was still gulping like a fish.

"Should the ceremony take place before or after she enters her training period?" Querl asked.

"Oh, formal ordination takes place after satisfactory completion of training, of course. Then she'll be Reverend Mother Andromeda."

"gleep!"

"So should we wait until afterwards to be married?"

_**"gleep!"**_

"Well, that is a personal decision." The Abbess was definitely enjoying this.

"So we could marry beforehand, then? I don't suppose it really makes any difference." Querl looked at Laurel, again unable to resist, "Would you like to comment, or are you just going to say 'gleep' again?" He ducked but let her thump him, still grinning like a madman.

"Oh dear... I think that last revelation may have been a bit much for her," the Abbess giggled. She reached out to touch a comm pad and a tall, bird-like woman entered, "Mother Superior Ziala will show you to a flat. I'm not sure I'd trust Sister Andromeda to remember the way."

"Thank you, Reverend Mother," Querl rose and offered Laurel a hand, "Can you walk? If not, I can always use my forcefield to transport you."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Laurel replied, nettled. She picked up the box and got up to follow her Mother Superior. Querl looked placidly and infuriatingly smug as they were led through the abbey corridors towards the residences.

Mother Superior Ziala opened the door to a well-appointed private apartment, with its own fireplace, kitchenette and private bath. She leaned over to Brainiac and whispered, smiling, "Do you need a map?"

"Oh no, thank you," he grinned back, "I'm sure we'll be able to navigate successfully once Sister Andromeda's mind ceases to boggle."

The Mother Superior smiled again and bowed out, leaving them alone. Laurel wandered mindlessly to the sofa and thunked into it, letting the box fall beside her.

"You should be careful with that. You never know, it could be fragile," Querl said, investigating the kitchenette, "Would you like a cup of tea, perhaps?"

"...yes please..."

Querl arched an eyebrow at her. "Milk or lemon?"

"...milk please..."

He carried two cups out, set them down on the low table, and sat down beside her, watching her. She was staring into the fire with a shell-shocked expression. He thought she looked slightly haunted. He sat back with his own teacup and took a contemplative sip. "And before you ask, yes I was absolutely and utterly serious."

Her hand was shaking but she managed not to spill the tea as she sipped. "I know. I didn't think you'd joke about that," she said finally.

"You're right, I wouldn't."

"I can deal with that," she said, taking another sip, "It's the rest of it I'm not so sure about. They're naming an order after me??"

"Well, of course they are. What did you expect? You're a shining example of everything a nun of your order should be," Querl said with just a touch of affectionate exasperation.

"I didn't think I was. They want me to be an abbess?? That's skipping an entire grade!"

"Oh dear, will the other kids be jealous?"

"_Why_ would they...? I mean... I'm just... I'm..." She slumped back in her seat, absently fingering the diamond on her Valorite brooch.

Querl set his empty cup down and looked at her a moment. Then, without a word, he sat back and held out his arms to her. She put her cup down and he wrapped his arms around her. "Clinging to a particular sin long after you've been absolved could be considered a form of arrogance, you know," he said gently.

"... i don't know if a sin that large could ever truly be absolved... it was an entire planet.. right down to the last bacterium... all those souls..."

"Jan forgave you."

"... it's hard to forgive myself."

"When someone forgives your sin, when the one you have wronged absolves you, the best way to thank them is to accept their forgiveness. To reject it is almost as bad as what you did in the first place." She winced, but knew he was right. She nuzzled his chest and he nuzzled into her hair in turn. "I'm sorry, Laurel. I know I'm not very comforting."

"No.. but you're right." she snugged him and sighed heavily against his chest. "It's all just... such a surprise..."

He kissed the top of her head, "About the order, yes. About the offer to become an abbess, perhaps less so. But about my suggestion of marriage? Are you _really_ that surprised?"

She raised her head to look at him, "No, that wasn't a surprise. I've been expecting it. Your choice of timing was a surprise."

"I chose to take advantage of your moment of vulnerability," he said with no remorse whatsoever.

"So I noticed," Laurel smirked, "That was almost insulting, like you expected me to say no." She nuzzled his shoulder and sighed again, "I knew that saying yes to dating you would pretty much be saying yes to marrying you, so I had to have all of those decisions made before I could let on about how I felt about you. I knew that as soon as I did, things would move fast, and they have."

"You seem to have made an awful lot of assumptions regarding my intentions," Querl said archly.

"Were any of them wrong?"

"That's irrelevant."

"That's Brainiac-ese for 'No,'" Laurel smirked.

Querl tilted his head and looked at her speculatively, then hmphed and smiled. He rested his cheek on top of her head and sighed, "You've made yourself into everything I could want in a life partner... and I have no idea what you want."

She looked up at him, "You already are what I want."

"I find it hard to believe that 'arrogant 12th-level dick' was on your list of qualifications," he smirked wryly.

"Not as such, no." She laid her cheek back onto his chest and sighed. "I had some boyfriends, back on Daxam," she said after a while, "They were jocks - you know the type."

"I believe I have encountered such, yes."

"My family were fairly highly placed and I was something of a trophy, though I didn't realize it at the time. Boys wanted me to be their girlfriend because I was pretty, a top cadet and had a good career future. My family wanted more social influence, so they arranged for me to be married to a boy from a very high-profile political family. We dated for a while but I mistook his aggression for passion. I was pretty naive then."

"This was the fiance I've heard rumoured, then?"

"Yeah. I was sent to his household to live with him for the pre-marriage period, as is our custom. I told you he... liked it rough..."

"Yes."

"It didn't take long before I could see what the future held if I married him. I ran back home and told my parents I was refusing the marriage. I told them why. They nodded and seemed sympathetic and understanding, and then they took me right back to him. They wouldn't let me refuse the marriage." Querl was too shocked to say anything. She glanced up and smiled when she saw his face. "So I ran away to the cadet dormitories and refused to leave. I didn't realize at the time how much of a scandal it had been, how much shame it had brought on my parents. Then I was told I'd been selected as the Legion draftee and that I had to ship out that day. They didn't even let me see my brother and sister. I never got to say goodbye." Querl pulled up the corner of his shirt and used it to wipe her tears. "I swore to myself that I'd be a better Daxamite," she continued, "I wanted to be a good example for my people. I wanted to make them proud of me..." She broke into sobs.

Querl kissed the top of her head and rocked her, understanding better why she had behaved as she had, when she first joined the Legion and why she had betrayed them. But he knew that she had also been coerced and intimidated by people who knew her to be naive, and probably also knew she had something to prove. If this was her emotional state at the time, she would have been very easy to manipulate.

"You know how well that worked out," she sighed finally, "They used me and tried to murder me. And you worked all night, racing the clock to try to save me and then I..." She shook her head, "I figured you just liked me because I was pretty..."

"There are half a score of beautiful females in the Legion," Querl said, stroking his fingers through her hair, "What appeals to me the most is your immense strength - and I don't mean your physical strength." He kissed her forehead, "It takes tremendous inner strength to do the things that you've done. Recognising the truths about your fiance, family and people, facing life among aliens, refining yourself the way you have... You have a strong spirit that no amount of lead could bring down."

She threaded her fingers through his and squeezed. "When I learned that everyone thought I was dead.. I was told that you had taken it really hard."

"I did."

"I didn't know what to make of that. It meant I mattered to you."

"You do."

She looked up, tears streaking her cheeks, "When I was in prison, I realized I hadn't really mattered to anybody. I was only important as a trophy wife or a bargaining chip or a pawn, but** I** wasn't important to anybody. Not even my parents... That hurt the most."

"Hmm... This sounds familiar somehow."

"You were a trophy wife?"

"I was younger then and needed the money."

Laurel grinned through her tears. "Anyways... You were never anything but totally honest with me. You're completely the opposite of the other boys I'd dated and totally different from my ex-fiance. He grabbed me by the hair when I tried to leave, said 'who said you could go' ...you didn't try stop me, even when I wanted you to."

"I never will," he said softly, "I can be hard to live with. If you ever get tired of trying to live with me, you'll be free to go. I won't stop you, ever. I love you too much to try to own you. But you need only ask, and I'll follow you wherever you want me to go." Her tears spilled over again and he rocked her.

"How about I refresh our tea and you can open your present from M'Onel," he suggested, when Laurel had cried herself out. She nodded and sat up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and looking for a tissue.

"I'm sorry, I got your shirt all snotty."

He shrugged, bringing back the cups, "It'll wash out. You can rip it off me later, if you so desire."

"Grife, did he use enough tape on this? What'd he do, buy a box of twelve and use it all?"

"I imagine there are a large number of ducts that are feeling very naked, right now," Querl agreed. Then she wrenched the box open and his eyebrows rose in surprise, "A dancing costume?"

"Oh, it's beautiful! **Where** did he find this?!"

"Really. How could he possibly locate a Daxamite dancer's costume? What would he know about being a Daxamite, anyway?" Querl smirked, sarcastic.

"They don't sell these off Daxam, this is a professional costume!"

"Only amateur costumes are allowed to leave the nest?"

"Professional dancers don't perform off-world," Laurel explained, "Most off-worlders just don't understand our dance. They see the costumes and the movements and think it's some sort of burlesque show or something. It's like thinking that a ballerina's tutu is just to show off her gams, you know?"

"You mean it's not?" Querl grinned and kissed her. "You were a professional dancer?"

Laurel sighed, "I wanted to be. I was going to be. I was placing first in all the championships and there were agents scouting me. Some people said I was going to be the next Aaren Zale. Uh, she was a _really_ good superstar dancer."

"I gathered that from context. High praise. Why didn't you pursue it further?"

"I got drafted," she said simply. She looked down at the pile of burgundy silk and gold sequins. "I didn't feel like dancing after that."

"Would you dance for me?" Querl asked softly.

Laurel stroked the silk and let the fringe run over her fingers, and thought about the dream she had left behind. She would have been a famous dancer - and a battered wife. She would have had her dream at the cost of her self, a price she wouldn't pay. She had new dreams now and a new fiance to share them with. She had new reasons to dance. She smiled, and went to change into the costume.


	5. Total Eclipse of the Heart

Total Eclipse of the Heart A LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal 

_Morning. Unfamiliar bed. Unfamiliar aromas. Body contact, breasts pressing against my back - must be Laurel._ Querl cracked one eye open, _I'd be worried if it was Cosmic Boy._ He turned over and looked up into Laurel's sleeping face, watching the scuttle of dreams beneath her closed lids, then skootched up into kissing range. He brushed his lips lightly across hers, watching as this produced a large eye movement, her gold lashes fluttering against her cheeks. "Laurel..." he whispered against her mouth. She whiffled and smacked her lips and he smiled. Sleeping Laurels were fun to play with. He kissed her forehead lightly and snuggled against her shoulder.

The planet Durla: Six billion years to create, six minutes to destroy. The planet and its people were still recovering from the war that had devastated them and left them defenseless, easy prey for the predators of the universe. Centuries of exploitation and persecution had left the Durlans as fearful of other races as the other races were of the Durlans. During the conflict with the Dark Circle, Sister Andromeda had been sent here, a xenophobe among xenophobes. She had enjoyed her work so much, she had elected to stay after her official mission had ended. The parallels to the Durlan Legionnaire, Chameleon, were not lost to Querl.

She had come back to pick up some things and to tell her companions that she'd be away for training. Querl had gone with her, curious about the place. For the most part, it was desolate, still showing the scars of its nuclear holocaust. In some areas the technology was disconcertingly primitive, a stark contrast to the spaceports. Querl had gotten used to showering with water during his sojourn in the 20th Century, but he hadn't liked it; he just didn't feel clean. Still, if this was where Laurel was happy, he could always install a proper shower.

"...whrrrm?"

Querl looked up to see Laurel's eyes flickering open. "Good morning," he chuckled.

"...mrn'ng.." She yawned and looked around blearily, then snuzzled his hair and sighed. He was so warm and smelled so nice, like musky green tea, and his hair was so silky and fine. She whiffled it with her breath, not quite awake. Querl sighed, quietly rapturous in the simple, intimate contact. That something so basic could be so satisfying... "You sleep okay?" Laurel asked, sounding slightly more coherant.

"Better than I can ever remember. You?"

"Same. I seem to be sleeping better with you near me."

"Perhaps my snoring serenades you," he chuckled.

"Nah. You don't snore. ...much. My ex snored like a chainsaw. There's serious sleep apnea in his future."

Querl arched an eyebrow, "As in fatality?"

Laurel thought about it. "Possibly. I don't wish him dead but I do wish him ill; I'm not_ that_ enlightened. Last I'd heard, they'd given him my sister."

"Was he that brutal to you?" Querl asked very softly.

"Yes."

Hrm. "I could perform a creative rearrangement of his organs," he suggested, "Nothing fatal. He could have to urinate out his nose and eat through his anus." Laurel burst out laughing, causing jiggles in close proximity. "Oh no! An earthquake! Grab something and hold on!"

"Ah!! ...Hey, where'd you go?"

"'m n h'r."

"Are you sure that's safe?"

"M' prefiouf br'n if fec'rely pfadded." Laurel laughed again. "Ahhh! Aft'rfockf!!"

"Have you got enough oxygen in there?"

"'M liffing on l'v."

"Is that very sustaining?"

"Moft affuredly. It giff'f me all m'nn'r 'f fitality."

"oooOOOOOooooo...! But is that vital? I've heard one can live without it."

Querl pulled his face out of Happy Valley and looked cogitative. "Not according to the Legion of Super Hormones," he said, "But their data is unreliable and needs to be tested under proper scientific conditions."

"That sounds like a long-term project."

"I anticipate life-long."

"Then we'd better get started..."

_Alright, perhaps water showers aren't so terrible after all,_ Querl thought, flipping his wet hair back from his forehead. He picked up the tea tray and carried it into Laurel's study.

"Mmm, thanks. And thanks for breakfast, too."

Querl smiled and stroked her damp hair, "You're welcome. I think I could get used to this."

"So could I," Laurel smiled, "And the others here respect privacy a heck of a lot better than the Legionnaires do."

"It's only a few of them, really, but yes, it is a relief." Querl noticed the collection of holophotos that were arrayed about Laurel's desk and shelves, "May I look?"

"Mm? Oh yes, sure. This'll take me a few minutes," she turned back to the holo of instructions she was recording. Querl looked through the photos of fellow nuns, various friends including M'Onel, Lyle and Chameleon. What intrigued him, of course, was the large number of holos of himself.

Most of them were from his pre-upgrade days, he noted with some nostalgia. Some were posed, but many were candid shots, snapped by Lyle or Rond or some other anonymous holographer. Several shots of Koko jumping at his face, more's the pity. One of him, distracted by Laurel's passage, about to fry himself with hydrofluoric acid. And, to his surprise, several shots where he actually looked happy. Strange, he hadn't thought he ever **was** happy, before his upgrade. "Interesting."

"Hm?"

"I was just observing that you have few images from after my upgrade."

"Ah... no. I don't."

"Did you not receive any? I notice you have some that are comparitively recent..." he trailed off, a little alarm bell starting to ring. "...You don't like it."

Laurel didn't look at him. She sat back, arms across her chest, chewing her lip as she thought about what to say._ I don't want to get into this, it's only going to hurt both of us,_ she thought, _Anyways it's over, it's past, he's himself again, mostly. Mostly._ She sighed, knowing that 'mostly' was the problem, and made a decision. She just prayed he trusted her enough to take it. "The Anomaly changed you. You weren't 'you' anymore. You were someone else entirely."

The softly spoken words cut like icicles. Querl stared at her in horrified disbelief. "But... the Anomaly changed me for the better!" he protested, "For the first time I was able to interact with people and not be concerned about rejection or scorn. People_ liked_ me, Laurel. I was able to talk to the other Legionnaires--talk to _anybody_--and be accepted as more than a brain with green skin."

"It destroyed your personality," Laurel replied softly, "It changed you so drastically, it was like you'd been lobotomised." She looked down at her toes and whispered, "I often wondered if that's what those things on your face had done to you."

He shook his head vigorously. "You don't understand. If I didn't have these--" he touched the implant on his left cheek, "I would be forced to feel everything. All the time. There's a constant clamor in my head. So many distractions...so many things to think about, to feel about. I can't control them all at once. Not by myself."

"You were managing before you got them," she pointed out.

"By being a cold-hearted bastard and keeping everyone at arm's length."

Laurel smiled, "And now you've come full circle. Now you're a warm-hearted bastard who keeps everyone at arm's length." She looked up at him, then stood up and leaned against her desk and took his hands.

She was only saying what he himself had been thinking for some time. He'd admitted to Gates that he wasn't entirely comfortable with the make-over that the Anomaly had given him, but he hadn't allowed himself to face the points that Laurel was voicing. Very, very quietly, he whispered, "I'm afraid of what I might do without them. Sometimes I wish I could get rid of them. They're a crutch, and the longer I depend on them, the more lost I'll be without them."

Laurel nodded. This was thin ice, and she knew he had to feel his way along it. If she tried to tip the balance one way or the other, the ice would crack. "That happened once, though, didn't it."

Querl shuddered, "Oh, yes. While we were attending a useless and pompous ceremony, all technology in Metropolis ceased functioning, including our flight rings and my implants. I nearly went insane on the spot. No, I _did_ go insane. Umbra had to slap me back to reality, quite literally."

Laurel shook her head, "She couldn't have done that if you were truly insane. That's not how insanity works. You brought yourself back, she said. Counting pi, which I must say is so utterly 'Brainiac' it hurts. You couldn't have done that if you were genuinely insane. Querl, you didn't snap; you snapped back." She plucked a branch of pussy willow from a nearby vase and applied pressure to its tip, bending it back. It bent and bent and bent and bent nearly double, but wouldn't break. And when she let go...

Querl folded his arms and looked away, "They're personality suppressors. I know that."

"And yet you kept them, even knowing what they were doing to you, to your mind."

**"What do you want from me?"** He was shivering now and knew that he was lashing out because she was right. She was hitting everything he'd been avoiding thinking about, with regard to his implants.

She looked puzzled, "You asked why I didn't have any images of you from after your upgrade; I'm answering. I don't have any because the one who came out of the Anomaly wasn't the one I loved." She pushed her hair out of her face with a sigh, "I thought you were gone forever. I thought the Anomaly had... 'killed' you. But then you started coming back."

"I started 'coming back', as you put it, after my mother tried to kill me!" he snarled.

"By electrocuting you through your implants."

Querl fell silent. He hadn't thought of that... no, he had, but he hadn't admitted it to himself, wouldn't allow himself to consider it - that his mother might have damaged the suppressors and allowed his natural personality to start seeping through again. "When they failed..."

"If they were suppressing you, your mind would fight that. Grife, a **human** mind will fight back, a **Daxamite** mind will fight, there's no way **your** mind wasn't fighting back against all that pressure, _and winning._ Then the pressure wasn't there anymore.."

"And I went insane, Laurel!"

"No, you did not. Insanity doesn't work that way, it's organic, and _you know that._ You've got ninety-three doctorates-"

"..one hundred fourteen now.."

"-including medicine and psyche. You _know_ that insanity doesn't work like that." Querl said nothing. He knew, and he hadn't allowed himself to think about that, either. He felt her take his hands again and let her draw him near. "I'm afraid those things are keeping you dependant on them," she said softly.

"For what purpose?"

"I don't know," she admitted, "I don't know why the Anomaly changed us. It took me ages to shake off its effects and I still haven't fully explored the powers that it gave me. I don't want to. The more I've thought about it, the more I'm convinced that the Anomaly wasn't benevolent."

"You were the one who led us to it," he said defensively.

"I know," she said simply, "But you didn't see it coming either. If Mr. 12th-Level Intelligence didn't spot it as a trap, I can hardly blame myself for not seeing it either."

Querl felt his blood go cold. "...Trap?"

"All of us who were brought into the Anomaly - you, me, Kinetix, Gates, Umbra and M'Onel - we all had problems fitting into the group. We didn't do the group-mind thing, we stayed independant thinkers. We were the ones most likely to think for ourselves. The Anomaly changed that for reasons of its own, and we still don't know what purpose it had in doing so. But the way it rewrote you and practically erased Kinetix, I don't think it was good. My fear is that those implants have been keeping you dependant on them by making you afraid."

"And you'd prefer I removed them."

She shook her head, "I'm not trying to make you do anything. You're recovered and you're 'you' again, so it's fine. You asked a question which doesn't have a good answer. I could take the easy way out, but you've always been honest with me; I can't be any less honest with you. If they're that important to you, then there's no argument. Just remember, I love **you,** not your implants."

He pressed his face against her shoulder. "My life has been much more comfortable with artificially enhanced social skills," he admitted softly, "But...I need you more. The thought of you being disappointed in me, or dissatisfied in any way...it's more than I can bear."

She hugged him tighter, "I'm not disappointed and I'm not dissatisfied. I fell in love with you when you were a cold-hearted bastard who kept everyone at arm's length, and I love you now, when you're a warm-hearted bastard who keeps everyone at arm's length."

"But you loved me best the way I really am," Querl whispered wonderingly, "That's something nobody has ever done before."

"That's not quite true either," Laurel replied softly, "I bet I can name six other people who'd tell you you don't need artificial enhancements for them to love you." Querl snorted, disbelieving. She counted off on her fingers, "Lyle, Rond, Imra, Ayla, Gates and Mr. Brande."

Querl jerked back and stared at her, mouth agape. "Considering that you've been absent for so long, your assessment shows remarkable accuracy. If you limit the choices to actual Legionnaires, substitute Chameleon and Umbra for Rond and Brande."

"I wondered about Chameleon, yes. Umbra is... not much of a surprise, after what you told me. However, Rond and Mr. Brande should not be discounted. They've known you longer than anyone in the Legion." She chuckled, "Mr. Brande just loves you. He talks about you like you were his favorite grandson."

"He only loves me for my mind," Querl demurred, "...I suppose I have more friends than I truly believed."

"Friends who've accepted you no matter what you threw at them. And defended you. And care about you to let you know when you really have crossed the line. And all of them felt that way **before** you got the implants," Laurel said softly, brushing his bangs back, "It might not be a wide social net, but it's a deep one."

Querl turned away. He was shaking and running with sweat, though his limbs felt like ice. He felt nauseated and on the verge of tears. He'd had his implants for years and never let himself question what they were doing or why. He never let himself question the drastic change in his personality, even though Doctor Gym'Ll had had conniptions about it. He never let Doctor Gym'Ll perform the scans that might have revealed what the implants were doing. He never let himself see the possible connections between his mother's electrocuting his implants and the subsequent re-emergence of his natural personality. He'd recognised, and admitted to Gates, that he wasn't sure he _wanted _the empathy that the implants induced in him... yet he still clung to them. A holoimage caught his eye, of himself and Rond on Talos, wearing their Very Serious Scientist expressions and giving each other bunny-ears. He closed his eyes, trying to shut it out, then wondered why.

He was dimly aware of Laurel crossing the room and placing a sign on the door before closing it._ 'In session' or something, probably. 'Dealing with 12th Level basketcase.' Sprock her, she's uncanny. What is she, part-Titanian or something? It's like she reads my mind, but she finds all the things I **don't **want anyone to know. ...including me. Mother sprocking Andromeda... no wonder they're making her a saint. She's right. She's right and it's all things that I should have been concerned about, I should have considered all of it and I didn't... wouldn't... **What the sprock am I so afraid of??** _ The answer welled up from deep within and he pushed it away._ That's ridiculous. Am I that much of a child, to be afraid of losing all my friends? Am I that afraid of.. of me?_ The answer rose, bubbling up through the years of being feared and excluded, left to robots, kicked off-world and thrown to the U.P.'s monkeys, erupting with a force that brought him gasping to his knees, **_YES!!_**

_..sprock, it's begun already and I haven't even turned them off!_ he thought as waves of terror washed over him, _It's no wonder everybody's afraid of me. Even my name, 'Brainiac', I might as well hang a sign around my neck saying 'I'm going to go crazy and kill a lot of people some day, just so you know.' 'Hello, my name is Brainiac 5, you killed my whatever, prepare to die.' Grife, I can't turn them off, **I can't**, everybody'll hate me again..._

_"What am I, chopped liver?"_ Querl's eyes snapped open. _Lyle? No.. grife, that sounded real. Auditory hallucination? Maybe I **am **losing it. Or maybe I'm just trying to tell myself something. Great, now I'm channelling Laurel._ He became aware of Laurel's heartbeat next to his ear, her arms around him. _**This is ridiculous!**_ He closed his eyes and concentrated.

There was no external sign until he opened his eyes and looked into her face - then she could see what he had done. _ It_ _bends and bends and bends until you let go, and then it snaps back **hard.** Grife, Querl, what have you been doing to your self? _ She sat crosslegged on the rug and pulled him into her lap. "I love you," she whispered, "Just hang onto that. I love **you**."

Querl clung to her, face buried against her shoulder, all but screaming as his tears soaked her shirt. It seemed to go on endlessly, but eventually the howling sobs subsided to choked gasps. He struggled to speak, his voice breaking. He swallowed hard and tried again. "There is nothing I would not do for you. Nothing I would not attempt to do even if I were certain of failure. What I feel for you...it's so much bigger than I am. I can't hold it all inside me." He laughed suddenly, then bit down on it. "It's so much bigger than me."

"Tell me."

He drew back from her and raised his face, unashamedly wet with tears. His eyes glowed like emeralds in full sunlight. "Saying I love you isn't enough," he rasped, "The first time I saw you it was like...it was like being the first man who discovered what fire was. I couldn't look away from you. I wanted to burn you into my memory and carry you with me always. I loved you before I knew what love was."

Laurel sighed, "I was such a bitch. I always wondered why you carried such a torch for me, for so long."

"I can't deny that baser instincts likely played a part," Querl chuckled, "But it wasn't just your beauty that attracted me. You were as out of place as I was, especially in the early days, and you didn't want to be there any more than I did."

"No, I didn't," she admitted, then half-smiled, "You made it bearable, even though I didn't show it very well."

"You were better than you knew. I could see it, I could see your attitude changing, I began to hope--if you could change, maybe so could I. Then...then you 'died.'" His face crumpled and the tears started fresh.

Laurel sighed ruefully, "I didn't know for months that Violet had told everyone I'd died."

"It felt like life had blown a hole through me. I was walking around, I was functioning after a fashion, but part of me I'd never known existed was gone. Everything was gray. Lifeless. Nothing could fill the void in me."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. But at the time, I didn't know."

"I understand that," he said, nodding eagerly, "I don't blame you for any of it. When you came back...it was like someone opened a door and the light came pouring back in. Everything was sharp and clear again." He was smiling big now. "I'd never been so happy, but I didn't know how to express it." Laurel's smile was touched with sadness as she brushed the tears off his cheeks - she knew what happened to that happiness. "And then--" His voice broke again and he cleared his throat, "You left again. I wouldn't even try to stop you. If I could have told you everything, everything I was feeling...if I could have even asked to go with you...but I couldn't. I just couldn't. The words wouldn't come."

She looked regretful, "I was.. hoping you'd ask me why... I would have told you why.. all of it, everything. It hurt that you just dismissed me. For a long time, I thought it was because I had betrayed you. I thought you didn't want me anymore."

"I...never...stopped...wanting...you." Each word was rough with emphasis, "I could sooner stop my own heart." He swallowed hard. He seemed to be a bit more in control now, she noticed. "And then you joined a nunnery. That was a bit of a surprise." He laughed sharply, suddenly and she grinned. "And then the Anomaly happened...and then the Blight happened...and then everyone thought **I **was dead along with half the Legion...never a dull moment, really." Another bitter bark of a laugh. "But I never forgot about you."

"I was sent to work here on Durla, a xenophobe among xenophobes... and I had the breakthrough I was searching for, the one even the Anomaly couldn't give me."

"The best place to look for answers is inside yourself."

Laurel reached out to cup his cheek. "Listen to yourself," she said softly.

Querl stared at her for several minutes, then looked away. "Grife," he muttered, pressing a hand to his forehead, "I'm getting a headache... Are we done yet?"

"Come here," she said and lightly pressed her hand against his forehead. The Anomaly had given her strange energy-manipulating powers and she'd found she could sometimes manipulate the body's electromagnetic fields. A tension headache caused by emotional stress, that wasn't difficult. Her palm warmed as her power signalled nerves, causing muscles to relax, easing the pain.

"Dilation of the cranial blood vessels and dissipation of muscle tension. That's one way to cure a headache."

"That's generally what causes a stress headache," she smiled.

"I'm sure you perform this service for all the semi-psychotic geniuses with severe emotional developmental problems you encounter."

"Oh quite," she giggled.

"I did try to warn you, you know. I'm difficult to deal with when I'm off my meds." He tapped the now-inert implant on his cheek.

Laurel feigned surprise, "Are you? I hadn't even realized."

"I'd hit you for that if I wouldn't break my hand," Querl half-smirked.

Laurel grinned and shook her head, "Honestly, Querl, you're not difficult to deal with. Not for me, not after what else I've had to deal with. Now unmedicated schizophrenic Durlans,** that's** difficult." Querl looked so surprised she had to giggle. "And you got nothin' on Daxamite PMS, I'm just sayin'."

"I thought you were like that all the time," Querl smirked, wiping his face. He was feeling more contained now and the terror was gone. He wondered if Laurel were right about that too, about it being induced. "I suppose I have some decisions to make."

"Maybe give it a month," Laurel suggested, "Give yourself a month to get used to being unsuppressed. Your brain's been fighting under a lot of pressure; it'll take some time to settle out."

"I suppose that's wise," he sighed.

"Wisdom comes from self," Laurel grinned, "They're on the same points of the Stars of Valor."

"Do you ever stop nunning?"

"Do you ever stop Brainiacing?" She giggled and hugged him, "How are you feeling now?"

"Better, I suppose. Less like an exploding star, as Umbra put it."

"Good," she smooched his forehead, "I think what you need right now is a cup of tea, a nap, and another shag, in that order."

Querl laughed, "You're the expert. My education in the metaphysical areas is sorely lacking, so I cannot dispute your prescription."

They went out to the kitchen, startling a Durlan in traditional robes. Laurel spoke a few words in Durlan then switched back to Interlac, "This is Lior, one of the _l'ri-an_ here. She doesn't speak much Interlac." The Durlan regarded Querl for a moment, then shifted into the 'friendly orange alien' form favoured by her kind when meeting outworlders.

"And my Durlan is atrocious," Querl said in that language. "You don't have to do that on my account," he told Lior, who looked startled, "One of my friends is Durlan. I'm quite accustomed to the natural Durlan form and this _is_ your homeworld."

Lior inclined her head. "Your accent is strange. Welcome." She turned to look at Laurel, "Are we still gaming tonight, Sister Andromeda?"

"Yes!"

Querl looked mildly interested, "What sort of game? Your order continues to defy established assumptions about nuns, so I presume you don't mean bingo."

"Bingo?! Nooooooo - GURPS."

**"What?!"** Querl's jaw dropped and a grin spread over his face, "_You_ play _GURPS_?"

"Yeah," Laurel grinned, "I usually play clerics and mages, occasionally warriors. And Sparks."

"_Sparks?!_ How do you know about... wait, of course, how else - Lyle."

"That's what we're playing tonight. You want in?"

Querl grinned, "Hy'm dere, sveethot!"


	6. Zombie

Zombie a LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal 

"Here you are, Chuck."

Chuck Taine took the small vial gingerly - anything Brainiac 5 gave out was likely to be dangerous. "Uh, thanks. Uh, what is it?"

"Nanobots. This batch tested successfully on Rigul XVII, where I orchestrated the restoration projects after the Khund occupation was disrupted. The restorations were completed in 47.35 hours."

"Oh! Thanks, Brainy!"

"Not at all," Brainiac purred, still not looking up from his microscope, "They were meant as a gift all along, in return for all the times you've restored my lab, not to mention the structural improvements you've made to make it require restoration less frequently. You would have had them sooner only someone stole one of my less-successful batches and held them for ransom with my own birthday present, and I had to start over."

"...oh."

"They're programmed to respond to your voice. You should find them quite useful on the project Kid Quantum just handed to you."

"...right... well, uh... guess i'd better get started..." Chuck scooted out of the lab, muttering.

When he was gone, the air burst into guffaws, signalling the presence of the Invisible Kid. "Hello, Lyle. Got that on camera, did you?" Querl smirked.

"Oh grife yes! That was priceless! Honestly, he really should have guessed from how angry you were."

"Mm."

"Ah, you caught the parting shot. Don't let it get to you, he's only mad because you're shovelling dirt in the grave he dug himself."

Querl sat back and studied his fingernails with a frown, "Still, it underscores the very issue that I'd feared. Not everyone was happy with my decision, you know."

Lyle knew. Ten days ago, Brainiac 5 had announced his decision to remove his personality-suppressing implants. Though he'd been surprised by the amount of support he'd received, there were those who couldn't handle Brainy's natural ascerbic personality. Just yesterday, Umbra had gotten into an argument with Ferro, ending it with a pot-shot at Ferro's 20th Century origin. "Yeah, I know. We can't call you 'Stickerface' anymore."

"What?!"

Lyle laughed and laid a hand on Querl's shoulder, "Don't worry. A bunch of us got together and talked out what we would do to support you. We got your back. You just concentrate on putting yourself back together."

Querl reached up and threaded his fingers through those of his best friend. "Thanks, Lyle," he said softly.

"Hey, that's what friends are for," Lyle grinned. He bent down and kissed his friend's unblemished cheek, "Those petris'll be done incubating. I'll go get 'em."

Querl grunted and went back to his microscope. A little while later, he became aware of a presence nearby, signalled by a soft _ahem._ "Yesssss?" he drawled, not looking up, "Did you want something or are you auditioning for decorative furniture?"

"I thought I'd try out for 'vase,'" Sister Andromeda said, "What do you think?"

Querl heard Lyle's bray of laughter and looked up to see that Laurel had stuffed a handful of Lyle's hybrid roses down her shirt. He had to grin, "Cute. What do you want now?"

"I've got more questions for you," Laurel replied non-plussed, removing the roses.

Querl heaved an aggravated sigh, "Why do you keep asking me these questions? Contrary to what appears to be popular belief, I do not produce a neurochemical responsible for excessive dickery."

Laurel leaned against the lab bench, clasping one knee, "Yes you do, it's called yodine, it's found only in Coluans, it facilitates your multi-level mentation and ability to use the Sleepnet while getting actual sleep, and it's the reason you'll never meet a chipper Coluan because of its side effect on the Coluan amygdala." Lyle hastily swallowed his soda before it could launch into his sinuses. Querl gave her a Look for several seconds. "I looked it up," she shrugged.

Querl snorted, "So after getting me to remove my implants, you now want me to reintegrate them so I'll be easier to live with."

"I did **not **'get you to remove your implants,' **you **turned them off yourself, to try to spite me."

"In any case, it'd be a waste of my time," Querl dodged, caught out, "I told you, I checked this all out years ago."

"So you're aware that you show symptoms consistant with insufficient dopamine and rhysine and an overabundance of yodine?" she said innocently.

"Are you making this up?!"

Now she looked affronted, "No! Why would I do that? I'm just familiar with the symptoms, that's all."

"And what symptoms would those be."

Lyle felt like he was watching a tennis match. He pulled out his camera and snapped a quick holo of Brainy's face as Laurel listed off symptom after symptom, all of which were fitting Brainiac 5 to a tee. "...but if you didn't find any abnormal levels then it probably points to insufficient receptors or possibly insufficient transfer amines," she concluded.

Querl's expression softened as he tilted his head contemplatively, "You've really done your homework on this, haven't you."

"Yes," she said simply, "I probably would have missed it but a couple of sisters went off their meds recently and the withdrawal symptoms were fresh in my mind. After you turned your implants off, I noticed them developing in you, so I started keeping notes. Turns out the rhysine/dopamine combination is pretty common among Coluans."

Querl stared at her for a few more moments then grunted. "And I suppose you've already arranged for Doctor Gym'Ll to prod my cranium..."

Brainy didn't burst into flames, so there wasn't any heat vision behind that glare, Lyle thought. "Don't be insulting! That's a violation of Privacy; I wouldn't do that," Laurel said hotly. Querl made that peculiar shrug/side-nod combination that only those close to him knew to be an apology. Laurel knew it and was mollified, "I'm only bringing the information to your attention. What you do with it is up to you."

Querl sighed and reached to save his work, "Oh very well, if it'll make you feel better, I'll go."

"Hey," Laurel caught his wrist and cupped his cheek, "If I'm wrong, you can tell everyone what a paranoid 12th-level idiot I am."

He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them, "I wouldn't do that," he said softly, "I'll just mock you a lot." He kissed her again and left.

When he'd left, Lyle gasped, "I canNOT **believe** you suggested he get his head examined!! If it'd been anybody else, he'd've thrown them out the airlock! Are you trying to get dumped or something?!"

Laurel grinned and shrugged, "I'm a nun, I have special dispensation."

"..collosal waste of time, I'm sure. Why I should be pulled away from my research because some jumped-up nun has delusions of adequacy..."

"Doctor Gym'Ll," Querl's voice drawled frostily from beneath the MCO scanner, "While you are certainly entitled to your opinions regarding my bride, it might be better for your paycheque if you were to keep them out of range of my hearing. And you were watching a game show."

"I was taking a break!"

"Of this I have no doubt."

"Well I'm quite unsurprised to see that your dopamine levels are entirely within the range of normal," Doctor Gym reported, "As are your seratonin, melanine and predorin levels."

"She had a valid point regarding the dopamine/rhysine combination, Doctor."

"Yes, yes, and if you had ever let me examine you **properly**..."

"Doctor, save the I-told-you-sos for when you actually have something to tell me," Querl sighed, then noticed that Gym'Ll had trailed off, "What is it?"

"..can't be right, he'd be psychotic.." Gym'Ll muttered. He stalked over to the MCO display, now apparently wanting it to begin displaying data. He glared at it as though it were holding out on him. "Rhysine is low," he admitted grudgingly.

"But?"

Gym'Ll passed a hand over his face and scowled, "Yodine is dangerously high."

"As my fiancee predicted. Perhaps her adequacy is not delusional after all," Querl smirked, then frowned. Dangerously high? Psychotic?

Gym'Ll was muttering again as the MCO data started to display. "5HT receptors and associated transmission amines normal in all areas... D1 family normal in all areas... D2 family underrepresented on frontal cortex... D17 family underrepresented on temporal lobes... RH27 family underrepresented in all areas... Y family overrepresented, Y5 and Y7 families overrepresented on frontal cortex, Y3 family overrepresented on amygdala... DAT, RAT and YAT quantities all insufficient... now what the devil is that??"

He muttered on like that for several minutes. Querl was grinning despite his growing apprehension, "Doctor, the way you're carrying on, one would be inclined to think you'd just had your nass handed to you by a jumped-up nun." He grinned wider as Gym'Ll exploded, then said ruefully, "Doctor - so did I. I have at present eighty-four degrees in the medical disciplines and **I** didn't think to investigate as thoroughly as this, particularly as the dopamine/rhysine issue **is** virtually Colu's answer to the common cold. Considering that my brain is widely considered to be my one redeeming feature and the most valuable commodity to the galaxy at large as well as to myself, one would think I'd've taken better care of it."

"There are signs that your yodine was even higher and may be coming down. I'd like to watch it further before messing around with it," Gym'Ll gave Querl an apologetic glance, "I'm sorry, but it'll mean more fluid samples. I know how sensitive you Coluans are to changes in your cerebral fluid levels."

"Yes. The anticipated headache is already beginning and promises to be what Lyle calls 'a doozy,'" Querl sighed. He took the proferred analgesic transderm and held it to a vein.

"You've also got several families that I don't recognise at all. Some seem to associate with MAO-A production, some with adrenaline, though not knowing anything about them, I can't say how."

"Mm," said Querl, who could.

Doctor Gym'Ll sighed and handed Querl a package of transderms, "You can get started on these, they'll tide you over until I've analysed the MCO results completely and worked out a more precise prescription. Ordinarily you'd start noticing results within about three days, but I want another serum sample in three days, so the headaches and associated grumpiness will drown it all out."

Querl took them and sat up, "Contraindications?"

"None. Possible mild side effects, nausea, headache, which you're going to be getting anyways..."

Querl nodded, then shrugged and shot himself with one of the transderms. "Doctor..._ Really_ 'psychotic?'"

"Zoran Colas didn't have as much yodine as you've got, son."

"I totally can't picture it," Laurel laughed.

"No word of nass!" Lyle insisted, "There he was snarling at me, wearing his most serious Scientist Expression, hanging upside down by his knees! And swinging! It was all I could do not to laugh 'cause he was ten centimeters away from sweeping the floor with his hair! That's when I realized he was a kid, not just a brain with an attitude problem."

"That's _why_ he had the attitude problem."

"Yeah. It took a while to figure that out," Lyle seemed embarrassed for some reason.

Laurel noticed but Lyle didn't elaborate. "And he's so used to being the problem child, it really knocks the wind out of him when he isn't. What with disabling his implants and all, he's been worried that he's been more than I bargained for, but he hasn't," she stretched and grinned, "After doing interventions on out-of-control, unmedicated schizophrenic Durlans, this has been a cake walk! You should have seen his face!"

"Talking about me again, are you."

They turned to see Brainy entering the lab, looking subdued. "You bet!" Lyle grinned, "When you care enough to bag on the very best!" He reached out and pinched Querl's cheek.

Querl shrank back with an exaggerated 'you're touching me!' squinchy face, "I could make you linear, Lyle."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Or give you breasts. Perhaps the size of Laurel's."

"Could I give you snuzzlebunnies with them?"

"You wouldn't be able to walk."

"Oh that's no problem, I'll just pierce the nipples and hang flight rings off of 'em." Laurel hastily swallowed her soda. "So how'd it go?"

Querl laid a hand on Lyle's shoulder and wrapped his other arm around Laurel's waist. "You were right," he told her quietly.

"I was rather hoping for the 12th-level musclehead outcome," she sighed.

"So was I. Although I did take a perverse pleasure in watching Doctor Gym'Ll be out-diagnosed by a nun."

"Cerebroneurochemistry doesn't exactly lend itself to flowchart diagnostics," Lyle mused, "So what are the initial verdicts?" He listened as Querl repeated the MCO scan's findings, and nodded, "Reuptake inhibitors'll improve the DAT, RAT and YAT issues."

Querl sighed, "The YAT is a problem, or rather, the entire yodine process. Doctor Gym thinks I should be psychotic by now. Apparently even Zoran Colas's yodine levels weren't as high as mine are."

"Who's Zoran Colas?" Laurel asked.

"A forerunner of the Brainiac project, an early test subject. He went crazy and killed a lot of people," Querl pressed his palm to his forehead and sighed, "Just like the Brainiacs."

"Now you're just borrowing trouble," Laurel chided gently, "Don't worry about what 'should' be happening; concentrate on what_ is_ happening, or rather, what isn't happening. Maybe you 'should' be psychotic, but you're _not._ It's been almost a fortnight since you turned off your implants; if you haven't gone psychotic by now, I don't think you're going to, especially if Doctor Gym thinks the levels are receding."

Lyle nodded, "Yeah, for all we know, you could be _meant_ to run at high levels. The original Brainiac was engineered, right? Was Zoran Colas?"

"No, he was a normal Coluan child until the experiments. Vril Dox was a result of genetic manipulation and is considered to have been the first success. ...if you can call him that." Querl shook his head then gasped as the movement sent pain blossoming behind his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Migraine. We're very sensitive to changes in our cerebral fluid levels. Doctor Gym'Ll wants more taps so I may not be the most pleasant company over the next little while."

"Are you ever?" Lyle deadpanned.

"Remind me to brutalise you later."

Laurel looped her arm around Querl's waist, "C'mon, Squirrel.. Let's get you to bed."

Lyle apparently liked to live dangerously, "Yeah, if his brains are sprocked up, they might as well be sprocked out."

"Not tonight, dear, I have a headache."


	7. Crazy

Crazy a LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal 

_"The phrase 'young and foolish' is aptly considered, even for a 12th-level mind."_

_"I beg your pardon?" Querl arched an affronted eyebrow. He walked into the shadows, towards the silhouetted form._

_"I thought it unlikely in the extreme. I had life all figured out - or so I thought. Such was my arrogance."_

_"What are you talking about?" He could see that the figure was an adult male, bulky of build._

_"Yet I came to the conclusion that it was unbecoming to a 12th level intellect to pursue personal emotional attachments, while there was still so much wrong in the universe."_

_No, not a bulky build, Querl realized as he drew nearer, a slender build aided by an exoskeleton._

_"I withdrew from my life and abandoned my relationship. By the time I realized my error, it was too late."_

_Fading light played over the figure; the scalp that showed through the thin greying hair was ashen green. Querl started to shiver._

_"In my desire to correct the universe, I forgot that I was part of it. In my desire to understand life, I had discarded the very being who gave my life meaning. When she died, it hurt all the more for my regret. The universe had shown no improvement and both of us had suffered due to my own failure to trust in her. Such was my fall." The figure turned and Querl stared in shock into his own, ancient eyes, "Don't make the same error. You can't solve what's wrong with the universe by sprocking up what's right with it."_

Querl sat up, gasping for breath, his heartbeat slamming. He swallowed and looked at the chronometer, then looked beside him. Dim light outlined the slumbering figure of a woman, her breath whiffling. He reached over and lightly stroked her cheek, noting how her breathing momentarily quickened though she didn't wake. He turned and snuggled up, spooning himself against her back, and kissed her shoulder.

_Note to self,_ he thought as he wrapped his arm around her and closed his eyes, _Do **not** ever wear long Elvis sideburns, and especially not at 460._

Brainiac 5 pressed the transderm to his vein and sighed as the analgesic took hold. The migraine of the last two weeks had tapered off enough that he could concentrate again, but he still required strong medication to control it. He was relieved from active duty and they'd all been scared off by his pain-shortened temper anyways, so nobody was bothering him. This state of affairs wouldn't continue forever, so he was taking advantage of it while he could, as much as he could bear. He looked up - technically, looked down - as the Omnilab door irised open. "'Morning, Lyle."

Lyle faded into view and stared at him for a few moments. "Man, you must really be missing Koko." A datapadd ricocheted off his shin and he laughed, "Gotta aim higher, Brainy."

Brainy arched an eyebrow at him. This position afforded him a premium view of Lyle's crotch, which was well within throwing range. "Thanks, Lyle, but I'm already spoken for. You should apply to Rond if you wish to indulge your masochistic fantasies."

"Yeah I should've thought that one through better, shouldn't I," Lyle grinned, "Brainy, _why_ are you hanging upside down? That can't be good for your headache."

"On the contrary, it seems to helping. This should be the last of it; Doctor Gym'Ll is satisfied that my yodine has levelled off and is in the appropriate ratio with the effector, even if the levels themselves are considerably higher than the Coluan norm."

"Yeah, yeah, you're not normal; three weeks of poking and prodding just to tell us something we already knew," Lyle grinned. A stylus bounced off his knee. "What are you working on?"

"A containment field for Cos's quarters."

"To keep his powers from, uh, escaping?"

"Quite."

Lyle laughed, "I left the lab late one night and came across Gear and Ferro stuck to the wall, doing the Monster Mash or Tetris or something. Poor guys. I guess the Twick Squad razzed Kid Q about it, 'cause they've all been threatened with suspension if they harass anybody else, including you."

"I wondered about the recent lack of voyeur activity. But I would think they'd consider being temporarily relieved of duty to be something of a holiday. I know I do."

"Ah, no, she meant hanging them from flesh hooks. It's too bad she pulled the plug on the twicks. A bunch of us got together and made these to fix 'em out, but you can have 'em anyways."

Querl swung until he had enough momentum to flip himself off of the oscilliscope rails, wincing as the landing jarred his head. "What is it?"

"It's _cheesecake!"_ Lyle beamed, "And a little beefcake just for variety." Querl's hand fluttered to his forehead. "We figured, if they want to find cheese that badly, we'll give 'em some to find."

"Which means there's a catch."

"Absolutely! - You can't see a sprockin' thing," Lyle laughed.

Querl smirked and put the chip into a reader. "These are very artistic," he said, after viewing a few of the images. He tilted one of Imra and Nura, silhouetted against a bright backlight, "This is quite well done."

"We knew _you'd _appreciate them but _they'd_ be all disappointed," Lyle grinned, "I like that one of Ayla, all sheathed in lightning. It's quite striking."

Querl deigned to dignify that with a Look but not a response. Instead he said, "This one of Laurel, you took this through an infrared filter, correct? It's quite original."

Lyle beamed, "We were going with the 'heat vision' angle. Wait'll you see the one of Cos."

"Cos? As in Cosmic Boy?"

"Yah!"

"There's Coscake in here?"

"Yah!"

"Lyle. I'm not sure I could handle Coscake at the best of times and the best of times is not now," Querl informed him. He cycled through the images and recoiled, "Oh grife, it's the Chippendale costume..." Lyle burst into laughter. "Doctor Gym'Ll's repeated attempts to suck my brains out through a hypodermic needle weren't sufficient torture enough to satisfy your sadistic Schadenfreude needs, you have to subject me to images of Cosmic Boy with a sheet of magnetic fabric stuck to his nipples as well? And I must say, it is_ not_ improved by the addition of Jazmin. Those platform shoes do **not** flatter her legs." Lyle was almost falling out of his chair, howling. "That had better be the worst of it. There can't be anything worse than Chippendale Coscake..." Querl cycled to the next image and facepalmed at the sight of a reclining Durlan, robe hiked up to show a few tentacles. _**"Chamcake?!?"**_

"I knew you'd love these!"

"You are dead to me." Querl advanced the images again, "Lyle, being invisible from the chest down does not make you look sexy. It only makes you look like an uninstalled Borg queen." Fortunately Lyle was not drinking anything. "Ah... but this one of you and Rond is very well done."

"Laurel took that one."

"Oh... _really."_ Querl arched an eyebrow, wondering how one was supposed to react to the news that one's betrothed was present in the same room with one's best friends who were naked and nude with no clothes on. Probably not with appreciation for artistic merit. He thumbed to the next image, "Oh. ...oh my." He felt his cheeks grow warm as a blush scaled up his face.

"HA! You've reached the special Sister Snuzzlebunnies collection. Ask me how I know."

"She did mention that she'd kept her uniform, although I note she's only carrying it." Querl gazed at the image of Andromeda wearing her old Legion belt, boots and gloves, then closed the reader, "I believe I shall save these for later. Thank you, Lyle. These are all quite lovely - even the terrifying ones."

Lyle beamed, "You're welcome. I figured they'd cheer you up some."

"It's appreciated." Querl sank down onto the step and rubbed his temples.

"How are you feeling?" Lyle asked softly, sitting beside him, "Aside from the headaches."

Querl thought about it for several minutes. Finally he reached up and snagged a sheet of plasfilm off the bench. He folded it in half and tapped it, then unfolded it. "Like that."

Lyle took the plasfilm and turned it over a few times. Like creased plasfilm? Like garbage? No... Like a part of him that was there but missing was now present, complete. Lyle nodded understanding, "Rond and I have noticed some differences, even with the pain making you snappish."

"When am I _not_ snappish?" Lyle laughed and Querl sighed. "This is who I really am," he said sadly, "I don't think even I like me very much."

"Yah, what am I, chopped liver?"

Querl hmphed and smiled then looked up, "I hallucinated you saying those very words, when I turned off my implants."

"See? You_ are_ a genius!" Lyle put his arm around Querl's shoulders and said seriously, "You're being too hard on yourself. There are people who feel threatened if everyone isn't all sunshine and smiles, and they are never going to accept that you have issues that have nothing to do with them. Since they're generally too stupid to see past their own noses, they shouldn't even count on your horizon."

"I know that. I'm worried about the people who do count."

"Nah. We know you. Besides, circumstances have changed."

"It's hard," Querl whispered, "I honestly don't think I could do this without you and Laurel."

Lyle looked at him a moment. He was a pretty good judge of when hugs were called for and this seemed to be such a time. He reached around and pulled his friend's head down to his shoulder and rested his cheek atop the feathery blond hair. "I don't think you _would _have done it if she hadn't set it in motion," he said gently.

Querl reached up to return the embrace, settling into Lyle's arms. "I don't think I would have, either, even after the Spike disabled them and I realized how dependant I'd gotten. The thought of disabling them filled me with abject terror. I don't know if Laurel was right, or if it was just me."

"I suppose we'll never know," Lyle agreed.

"I'm afraid I'll shift that dependancy onto her. The events on Apokalips already made me aware of how I've become dependant on you. I never used to be like this. I was self-reliant."

"Only because you had no choice. Can't depend on anybody when there's nobody there to depend on," Lyle shrugged, "See, that's one of the circumstances that's changed. You have us now and we know you. We know about the robots and the Sleepnet and Colu and your mother. We know what shaped you."

Querl had to smirk, "Hmph. Now you sound like Laurel."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"It was meant as one."

Lyle smiled. Getting a compliment from Brainy was feat enough; getting him to admit it was almost unheard of. "How are things going with her?"

Querl closed his eyes briefly. "I understand what you mean now," he whispered.

Lyle beamed and snugged him, "Good. You deserve it."

"I don't know why she puts up with me. You know I'm not the easiest person to be with at the best of times, and then she wanted the implants out."

"**I **thought it was clever the way she got you to talk _yourself_ into removing them," Lyle said slyly.

Querl rolled his eyes, "Yes, that was embarrassing. It took me far longer than it should have to realize that that's what she had done."

"I thought only Brainiacs were allowed to manipulate like that," Lyle teased.

"All the more reason to take her as my bride," Querl smirked, "To retain our monopoly on that talent." He sighed and shook his head, "She's been so wonderful and so patient and I've been so miserable."

"Why did you put up with her, when she was such a xenophobe?"

Querl smiled at memory, "Because I saw the moments when she wasn't."

"Yeah. That's why we put up with you," Lyle grinned and smooched his cheek.

"If she ever gets sick of me, she'll be free to go. I won't stop her, ever. And at the same time, I'm terrified that she will." Tears stung Querl's eyes, "I lost her twice already, I don't want to lose her again."

Lyle heard the suspicious sniffles and started rocking, "What makes you think you'll lose her?"

Querl was silent for so long, Lyle thought he wasn't going to answer. "I've been having strange dreams lately," he said finally, in a haunted whisper, "Dreams about myself... and death."

"You dream you're going to die?"

"Not me - her. And I go crazy," Querl shivered and leaned his head against Lyle's shoulder, "In one, I shaved my head and turned into Doctor Frankenstein, trying to resurrect her."

_Oh boy can I see** that** happening!_ "Nah, I can't see **that** happening."

"In another, I built a robot duplicate of her."

"Nothing says love like building a realdoll in your image," Lyle nodded sagely, then frowned, "Didn't Doctor Noonian Soong do that?"

"Who?"

"The guy who built Data. No, forget it, way before your time."

"Oh... _grife._ You just _had_ to remind me, didn't you."

"And he was only fictional!" Lyle beamed, then turned serious, "I don't have any answers, Brainy. Maybe Sister Andi might, I don't know. All I can tell you is you're not alone. Love makes us very aware of our mortality."

"Hmph. Very aware - the Coluan lifespan averages three times the galactic norm," Querl said in a haunted voice, "I'm going to watch a lot of... people die."

_Friends. Loved ones. But that's practically the same thing for you, isn't it? Colu is so emotionally repressed, they don't distinguish between platonic and romantic love. And you were raised by robots._ "That's happening already, with our line of work," Lyle sighed, "With the things we've seen and had to do... honestly, it's a wonder we don't all have post-traumatic stress disorders."

Querl wiped his eyes and fell silent for a while. Eventually, in a very, very soft voice, he said, "Sometimes I think my mother was the lucky one."

"What do you mean?"

"With twelfth-level intelligence comes twelfth-level emotion. She doesn't have emotions. She doesn't feel anything. Not fear, not love. She's completely untouched by the universe. Sometimes, I wonder why she thinks she's missing anything."

"She's insane, though. She's insane because of it. That's kind of proof we're meant to feel this way."

"Still... sometimes I envy her."

Lyle looked concerned, "Would you really want to be without Andromeda though?"

Querl sighed, "No. Or you."

"Can't have it both ways," Lyle grinned, "But... I understand what you mean. It scares me, too. But it's also when I feel the most alive."

"You're going poetic again."

"Sorry."

Querl was silent for several minutes. When he spoke, his voice was very low and hesitant. "I love you, Lyle. I know I don't say it, but it's true."

_All the times you've wondered why I put up with your twelfth-level dickery, moments like this are why_. "I love you too, Brainy. Always have. And I'm glad you've found someone who can love you the way you need. All her experience, it's made her stronger. You won't lose her, Brainy; she can handle you now."

"I wonder if I can handle** her**," Querl sighed, "I had to do this. It wouldn't look good for Mother Andromeda's husband to be a basketcase."

"No better than it'd look for Mrs. Brainiac to be a clueless ditz," Lyle replied.

Brainy smiled and nodded. "Speaking of which... I was hoping you and Rond would agree to stand as witnesses to our marriage?"

Lyle blinked, "S-sure! We'd be honoured!"

Querl abruptly fixed him with a steely glare, "No pranks."

But Lyle shook his head and smiled. "No pranks," he said in a soft and unexpectedly adult voice, "There's a time and a place and that isn't it. But... grife, I'll be sore the next day! Rond's got such a mad-on for a man in a tux."

"That was possibly more information than I required but thank you for sharing."

Lyle looked at him a moment. Once, that would have gotten a disgusted snort and after the 'upgrade', an overly-delighted laugh. Now it got mild, unbiting snark and a fond smile. "It's good to see you happy for a change. Both of you," he said softly, then they both looked up as the dedicated threshold hummed.

"Laurel!!"

Lyle grinned as his arms were suddenly vacated, "Whoa, is it just me or did it get brighter in here all of a sudden?"

"Hm, I do feel stronger," Laurel grinned, then buried her face in her lover's silk-fine hair, "Mmmmmmmm, Squirrel therapy..."

Querl looked up at her, concerned, "Is something wrong? You're early."

"We finished early, that's all. You're feeling better?"

"The headache is subsiding and Doctor Gym'Ll is satisfied. I should be better company soon," Querl replied, gazing up at her adoringly.

Laurel threaded her fingers through his, "Like I was complaining. Lyle, did I complain?"

"Only that he was hogging the sheets," Lyle grinned.

"Which he doesn't need to do, I swear this guy's a furnace," Laurel grinned, pressing her cheek against the top of Querl's head.

"Your toes would be useful in the manufacture of dry ice," Querl retorted.

"That's why I need to warm them up on you."

Lyle was laughing. This echoed every night in bed with Rond; clearly, some things were universal. 'The _friends thou hast and their adoption tried, grapple them to your soul with hoops of steel.' I don't have any answers for you, Brainy, _he thought, watching his friend reach up to kiss Laurel, without reservation. The number of people Brainy would let see him like this could be counted on one human hand and still have digits left over. _I don't even have them for myself. I only know that I'm still too afraid to take the steps you've taken. You say that Coluans typically live three times as long as us..._

Laurel babbled on about her day, expressing her doubts and fears, letting Brainy soothe her, challenging her self-perception when it was needed. Lyle let himself fade, preparing to slip away.

_... but Brainiacs usually don't._


	8. Homesick

Homesick a LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal 

"Are you sure about this?"

"It's the only way left open to me."

M'Onel shook his head, "You could stay in the cities..."

"No. I can't. They'd find me. I don't want to be found. I can't stay there."

"Why not? What happened?" No answer. M'Onel sighed, "Alright, if you're absolutely certain about this."

"I'm certain. I have to find her. She has to know anyways."

"Alright. Put the transuit on and we'll go."

* * *

The threshold shimmered and they stepped through. "Welcome to Legion World," M'Onel said, "Relax, you're doing fine. Don't worry, the Kwai aren't big on physical contact." 

"S-sorry..."

"Come on, the Omnilab is this way." M'Onel led the way down the halls, trying to keep to the less-travelled routes. "You're doing fine," he said again, then stepped into the lab, "Brainy? Is Sister Andromeda here?"

"She is still at the abbey," Brainiac 5 shoved the visor up above his brow, "Her session is running overtime this evening."

M'Onel nodded then looked back over his shoulder, "Back to the threshold room then."

Brainy straightened up, "Is this important? She does not appreciate her sessions being interrupted for frivolities."

M'Onel nodded, "I know. It's a family matter."

Querl's eyes narrowed, "I **am** her fiance, M'On." There was a gasp from beyond the door and he cocked an eyebrow.

"I know and she'll need you after she gets this news. You should come."

"Very well," Querl sighed. He shut down his workstation and put his experiment away, then turned to see M'Onel's companion sidling apprehensively into the lab.

If Laurel had had a sex change and seven years shaved off of her, she might look like this. The young man, wearing a trench coat, ball cap and shades, his hair pulled into a ponytail and his skin showing the sheen of a transuit, was the spit and image of Andromeda. He was also quite clearly struggling with his White Triangle upbringing. "You're green!" he blurted.

Querl cocked an eyebrow again and looked the youth up and down. "And you must be our newest recruit, Kid Obvious."

M'Onel threw up his arms and rolled his eyes, "Look, can we do this later? Kent, this is Querl Dox, Brainiac 5, he's Laurel's intended. Brainy, this is Kent Shakespeare Gand, Laurel's brother. Now can we drop the posturing and just **go?**"

Querl said nothing. He hoped he could find the right things to say when the time came. He didn't believe in intuition, but he could extrapolate from available data and he had the notion that this was going to be Something Very Bad. He followed M'Onel back to the threshold and ushered the others through, noting how Kent flinched as he passed him. "Careful, I might breathe on you," he said dryly.

"...somewhere private? It's an urgent matter, a family matter," M'Onel was saying to a nun as Querl stepped through onto the abbey grounds.

They were led to a private room and left to wait in uncomfortable silence until Sister Andromeda came in. "Hi Squirrel!" she kissed her fiance in greeting, then turned to M'Onel, "Hi Lar. What's this all ab**ohmigod_KENT_!!"**

"Laurel!" The boy practically threw himself into her arms, nearly knocking her over. Clearly her contamination by contact with little green men was not a concern at the moment.

"Oh my god, little brother!!! I thought I'd never see you again! What are you doing here?"

The kid chewed his lip a few times then his face contorted, "Lauren's dead."

Laurel turned white. "...what?" Her hand trembled as she reached for a chair, nearly missing the one Querl hastily swung under her, "Dead? How? When?"

"They say it was suicide," Kent said, tears spilling over. There was doubt in his voice.

"...oh gods... lauren? ... oh gods..." Laurel's hand fluttered up and Querl laced his fingers through hers, noting their icy temperature. He recalled her saying that she had a brother and a sister. He also recalled that the sister had been given to Laurel's fiance, after she had broken the betrothal and been sent to join the Legion.

"I don't know what to do, Laurel," Kent was sobbing in earnest now, "I don't want to go home. I can't go home!"

"The alternative is..."

"I don't care! I'll learn! You did!"

Laurel squeezed Querl's fingers once then reached out to hug her brother. "...okay," she said softly, "Alright. We can put you up here for a little while, while we figure out what to do with you."

"Maybe the Legion could use another Daxamite," Lar suggested.

Querl nodded, "I'm sure something could be arranged."

"We'll talk about that later," Laurel said firmly. She wiped her eyes, putting her grief aside for the moment, "Let's get you a room first." She got up to do just that.

* * *

It was late in the evening when Sister Andromeda returned to her sometime-flat in the abbey. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, silent. A soft crackle made her look up, to see a fire lit in the grate, and Brainiac 5 waiting with tea. Wordless, she crossed the room to him, letting him guide her onto the sofa and pull her head onto his shoulder. She hugged him, shaking slightly. After a few minutes, he put a cup of tea into her hands, keeping an arm secure around her. She sipped in silence, listening to the crackle of the fireplace. 

"Kent's asleep," she said at last, "He's been running on adrenaline for days. He hadn't even eaten today. I guess things at home got too hot for him to handle. That's all he's said but I'm sure I'll learn more once he's settled down a bit." She fell quiet again, letting Querl pet her hair. "Lauren was my little sister," she said presently, "Kent's the youngest. I haven't seen them since I left Daxam. I never stopped missing them." Querl only nodded. After several more silent minutes, she said, "I've told you about the husband my parents had arranged for me..."

"You have."

"After I shipped out to the Legion, they gave him Lauren instead."

Querl nodded. She'd already told him about that but he refrained from saying so. Instead, he asked, "Do you believe he has some culpability in her death?"

"Kent thinks so. I wouldn't be surprised if he did, but his family is so highly placed, it'd be almost impossible to touch him. If he actually killed her. Lauren... If she felt she had no way to escape, I think she probably _would_ have taken her own life." Querl nodded understanding and lay his cheek against the top of her head. "If it wasn't her, it would have been me," she whispered, staring at the flames, "But it shouldn't have been her. It shouldn't have been anybody." Abruptly the teacup fell, spilling tea across her lap and onto the floor. Her face shattered with the china and she buried it in her palms, shaking hard and silently. "...m-my... s-is-ter..." she managed, and broke into hard sobbing.

No words could comfort her now. Querl knew that; he remembered. He remembered the unexpected pain, how intense it was, how overwhelming it could be, how it would sneak up on him, just when he thought he was back under control. He couldn't concentrate on his work, he couldn't ignore it and giving voice to it only made his face wet and gave him a headache. He had never felt so lost or so completely at the mercy of his own emotions -- and he had never felt so alone.

Laurel's body shook with wracking sobs; he held her snugly, letting her howl against his chest, and nuzzled her hair. This kind of thing was well out of his league and he knew it. Emotional navigation was Laurel's strong suit, not his. But his experience after Andromeda's 'death' had taught him: This could not be brushed off. She had to go through this, and he had to bear it with her. He wasn't generally the praying sort, but now he prayed to whatever divinity might be listening that he wouldn't sprock it up.

Laurel's sobs trailed off and she settled into a long, steady, soul-wrenching keen. Querl rocked her, half conscious of it, stroking her hair. Eventually she fell silent. His heartbeat was faster and weaker than Daxamite and his body temperature was warmer. The brief thought skated through, of wondering if she felt cold to him, and was interrupted by a hiccup. Another one. She scowled - yep, hiccups. She hated hiccups.

She felt Querl press two fingers to the hollow of her throat. "Breathe slowly," he instructed.

She obeyed as best she could, with swollen sinuses and plugged nose, and felt the spasms subside. "Thanks."

"No need," he said gently, "I'm here for you as much as I can be, to the best of my ability." He sighed and rested his cheek on her head again,_ I only hope my best will be good enough._

"I love you, Querl."

"And I love you, Laurel."

"...I spilled the tea."

"Did you scald yourself?"

"...no."

"Then it doesn't matter." He activated his forcefield and gathered her up, "Let's get you to bed." She nodded silently and curled up so that he could lift her. It was awkward and hardly necessary, but many organics seemed to find it comforting and he wasn't in a position to argue with what worked. He undressed them both and tucked her in, then lay down beside her and stroked her hair until she fell asleep.

* * *

He woke just as the first streaks of dawn were painting the sky. Querl was an early riser in any case, so this was a coincidence of planetary time zones, really. The slow, shallow pace of Laurel's breathing told him she was in deep slow-wave sleep. Feather-light, he kissed her shoulder then slipped silently out of the bed. He got dressed and went to make a cup of tea. 

He stepped out onto the balcony to watch the sunrise, letting the warm tea and cool breeze sweep the cobwebs of sleep from his mind and sharpen his thoughts. Not that he'd be good for much today; his attention would be occupied by the needs of Laurel and her brother. Emotional needs, needs he wasn't sure he could have met even with his implants. Now he'd given those up to stand on his own... only to fall? _What am I doing? I'm not even a very good friend; what makes me think I can be a good husband?_

Movement caught his eye. He looked down to see a tiny figure hobbling slowly out of the abbey into the gardens. The figure would have been tiny even close up, Querl knew -- the Abbess, out to greet the sun, or whatever it was Valorite nuns did after waking. Querl didn't know; he was always awake well before Laurel.

He looked down again to see the old woman looking up at him and waving. He waved back and she beckoned. He hesitated then shrugged - he had his flight ring. He hopped over the balcony and floated down to land beside the Abbess. "Good morning, Reverend Mother."

"Good morning, Mister Five," the old woman smiled, raisin eyes sparkling. Querl sighed; he should have known. "How is Sister Andromeda?"

"Still asleep," he replied. The Abbess nodded. "I don't think she'll be able to focus on her studies for a little while," he said firmly, "She will likely require a leave of absense."

The Abbess gave him a curious look, "Do you suppose that we would deny her such leave?" Querl hesitated; confusion, embarrassment, chagrin, flickered across his face. "Why is that?"

Embarrassed, Querl hesitated a moment longer before describing the events after Andromeda's supposed death, and how his request for leave had been refused. The old woman's eyes had turned to deep wells of sympathy. "Compassion is one of the Virtues of Valor; we will not fail to provide for Sister Andromeda," she said, "Grief is powerful. Those who have not yet experienced it sometimes fail to understand its complexity."

"I was thinking of that last night," Querl admitted, "In a way I'm almost glad I went through that experience. Otherwise, even with my implants, I think I would have... made it worse."

"Well it is not to be wondered at, given the life you have had." She picked up his hand and patted it.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Querl asked, nettled.

The tiny face crinkled into a smile and the Abbess began to walk, towing Querl along with her. "Colu is not the most social of societies to begin with. Truly, only Kryptonian society was more isolationist; at least the Coluese still mate. Still, compared to the majority of societies in the United Planets, social interaction is minimal, and that which there is usually takes place in the virtual world of the Sleepnet. Emotional displays are frowned upon and physical contact is discouraged even among family. And you were reared by robots." Querl's mouth fell open. "Your people found your curiosity unsettling. You were barred from participating in the Sleepnet, partly because your boredom radiated too strongly. Your curiosity and desire to satisfy it were deemed unnatural. You were sent offworld in disgrace and your first friendly contact was that Mister Brande. He set you up with your first friend, that young Rond Vidar. You were drafted into the Legion, where you were berated for not playing nice with other children, something you have no background for. You've been playing catch-up ever since but were hampered by your lack of foundation. When an alien entity reprogrammed you with artificial socialisation, you didn't resist."

"How do you know all of this?!"

She stopped and turned to him with an arch look, "My dear boy, don't you know what 'nun' stands for? It stands for 'Nosy, Unbelievably Nosy!'"

Querl gaped for several seconds, then laughed. "Is this going somewhere?" he asked, trying to recover his sense of stern.

The Abbess was entirely unthreatened. "Yes. You did not have the benefit of family or social relationships as a child and had no adult relationships to observe. Your peers are still only beginning to pair off, themselves, and the one example of a marriage you have witnessed is breaking down. You have no one to turn to for advice and no role models for the relationship you have proposed to undertake."

"And...?"

"Would you like one?"

It was at the front of Querl's mind to tell the old bat to mind her own business and stomp away. He didn't. For one thing, he suspected she'd reply that this _was_ 'minding her business.' For another... he hated to admit it, but she was right. He had jumped in over his head and he was having so many dreams showing him where it would lead if he didn't learn to swim... Perhaps he should swallow his pride and accept the help that was offered. "Are you from Titan?"

The little creature threw her head back and laughed hard, the sounds pinging off the abbey windows. "No, child, I'm not a telepath. I'm merely very good at what I do. My marriage lasted one hundred fifty-three years and we were still in love when we were parted; I think I can speak with some authority."

"Probably moreso than the pop psychologists," Querl smiled.

"Oh very likely - the secret _isn't '_communication,'" the Abbess grinned and looped her arm through his, "Come and walk with an old woman, child, and I'll give you a crash-course in the rest of your life."

* * *

"What happened?" 

Kent was silent for a long time before answering. "You know you're pretty famous back on Daxam?"

Laurel rolled her eyes, "More like infamous. Yes, I know how I'm regarded back home. I'm the girl who's a traitor to her race."

"Not anymore," Kent sipped his tea, "You're getting pretty famous now. Some people in the church have broken off to follow you."

Laurel winced, "Oh grife, there's Andromedans on Daxam..."

Kent nodded, "And they're gaining influence. Suddenly Dad started being proud of you again."

"Oh am I reinherited?" Laurel said in a dry, sarcastic voice that she'd picked up from some Coluan somewhere.

"Depends on who he's talking to," Kent replied.

"Oh-**ho!**"

Kent sighed, "It got pretty transparent. So I started hanging around a little with the Andromedan Daxamites. Dad didn't like that." Laurel said nothing, but refreshed his tea - she remembered their father when he 'didn't like' something they had done. "In school they told us Trom was a natural disaster," he said finally, "They told us the United Planets and Affiliated Planets were spreading lies about us. They told us Trom was a natural disaster and that Daxam had nothing to do with the Dark Circle or Durla." Laurel continued to say nothing, giving Kent space to fill. "I found out that wasn't true. I found out _we_ were the ones spreading lies. The government, the village elders, the teachers... Mom and Dad... they were all lying to us. Lauren married Bryce and I found out the real reason why you ran away," the tears spilled over and Laurel slipped her arm around his shoulders. "And now she's dead and they're saying she killed herself even though everybody knows what he did."

"They'd never make charges stick," Laurel said ruefully, "They couldn't afford the lawyers. Bryce's father is too high up; that's why Dad wanted an alliance in the first place."

"I couldn't stay there anymore," Kent whispered, "We were brought up not to tell lies and not to steal or hurt other people and to know right from wrong and to be good people. And then I found out we were lying and killing and starting wars and they were lying to _us_ about it, lying to their own kids..." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, "And I wondered, what else did they lie to me about?"

Laurel sighed and hugged him, "Oh baby brother... I wish I had come to that conclusion sooner than I did. Maybe I wouldn't have sprocked up my life so badly. Maybe Trom would still be alive."

"I heard rumours," Kent said uncertainly, "That you were... that you... They weren't true, were they?"

"Yes they were," Laurel said very quietly, "That's why I became a nun, to try to atone for what I did."

Kent shook his head, wanting to deny it. He fell silent for a little while. "So, you think I should join this Legion, then?" he said finally.

"It's a good option," Laurel shrugged, "The Legion has the best facilities to learn to control your powers. They're pretty welcoming; they'll fit you in. It's a good place to learn to interact with alien races."

"Can't I stay here with you?"

"I don't live here. I'm only here for training. I live on Durla."

_**"DURLA?!"**_ Kent exploded in shock, "Mother God, you live on _that _Valor-forsaken planet?! You live with that shape-shifting space trash?! _Why?_"

"Listen to yourself," said Sister Andromeda mildly. She handed him a mirror, showing him his own face twisted in digust. "That's why." Kent shrank back and looked away, chagrinned. "When you can open your heart to the Durlans, you can open your heart to anybody."

"...i'm sorry..."

"It's okay. It took me a long time." She sighed and smiled blissfully, "But it's worth it."

* * *

"Laurel?" 

"Squirrel!" Laurel bounced up and ran over to him, snatching him up and hugging him. After a moment's startlement, he hugged back just as eagerly. "I was starting to think you'd gotten lost! Where've you been?"

"Laurel, please -- I've an eidetic memory. As long as I know where I've been, it's virtually impossible for me to get lost," Querl chided her, smiling, "I'm sorry to have worried you. I was visiting with your Abbess."

"Did I just feel the universe tremble?"

"Several times over the course of the morning, I should think," he grinned, then turned serious, "How are you feeling?"

She let him slide down to the floor but didn't let go. Neither did he. "I can't say 'better,' really... It's strange, I'd long ago been resigned to the fact that I'd never see my sister again, but there was always the hope that she was alive and living a happy life that made it bearable. Now that's gone. Now I'll never see her again because she died miserable," she laid her cheek on top of his head and sighed, "I'll probably be really moody for a long time."

"Three years is average, so I'm informed," Querl nodded against her shoulder, "Your mileage may vary."

Laurel nodded. "Kent and I had a long talk this morning. I know it'll cut in on our privacy but he really needs to be around us right now."

"Of course. You're his sister."

"He needs you, too, and not just because you're marrying me. It's _very_ hard to look at you and think 'trash,'" she said wryly.

"Hmph. I should think so. I'll _try_ to be nice to him but I make no guarantees if he tries my patience overmuch."

"Yeah, I don't know when he started stating the obvious like that," she grinned, "He might as well get used to you. M'Onel's taken him to the Legion, says he'll talk to Cosmic Boy and Kid Quantum."

"I'm sure there won't be any problem. If there is, I'll make sure there won't be any problem."

She hugged him tightly, tearing up again. "Thanks, Squirrel."

"No need," he said softly and pulled her head down onto his shoulder, "I'll do my best for you, Laurel."

_"The key isn't 'communication,'" the Abbess had said, "The key is respect. Without respect for each other, no amount of communicating will resolve. If you still respect each other, most relationships can be salvaged, even when all seems lost."_

_I blew it when you left the Legion, Laurel. I heard your words but didn't understand what you were saying. Emotion and relationships have always been my weak area, but you've strengthened your weaknesses so much, I can't do less for you. That's why I submitted to the Anomaly, Laurel. You've become everything I never knew I wanted, and I can do no less for you._

_"It isn't that the successful pairings don't suffer the same issues as the unsuccessful ones - they do. It's how they handle them that makes the difference. The bloom falls off the rose, the fire burns down, the same as for any couple. But the successful ones learn how to make the rose bloom again and again." I'll learn to garden, Laurel._

"I've got my little brother back," Laurel whispered, "And I have you. My sister's gone but I've got more than I had."

He looked up and stroked the tears from her face, "So have we."


	9. Ordinary World

Ordinary World a LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal 

"I don't know. If Jimmy cracks corn and nobody cares, why does he still do it?"

"He was a Legionnaire?"

The others at the table burst into laughter. A few meters away at the bar, Brainiac 5 shook his head. "It's always like this. You get used to it," he told his companion. The young man was sitting hunched up on the seat, trying to put as little of himself in contact with the world as possible, which was quite a feat since he was over two meters tall. He fidgetted with his ball cap. He looked around the Legion cantina, not sure about that. Querl smirked, "Don't worry. Most of them are harmless to anyone but themselves. The trick is to point them at the bad guys."

"Yes sir," the youth said nervously.

Brainy sighed and rubbed his forehead, "I'm not that much older than you, Kent."

The boy blinked, surprised, "You're not?"

"How old are you?"

"Fifteen, sir. Uh... I'll be sixteen in one quarter," he added conscienciously.

_And still hasn't finished growing. Bet he tops out at 2.2 meters, _Querl thought. "Alright, maybe a little older than you. But unless I'm of age with your father - which I assure you I am not - I don't believe I qualify as a 'sir.'"

"Yes sir. ..uh, yes..."

"You intimidating the new recruits already, Brainy?" Tenzil grinned, sliding a cup of tea over to him and placing a Cerodian Fizz in front of Kent, "Hi, welcome to the Legion. I'm Tenzil Kem."

"Uh, Kent Shakespeare. Kent Shakespeare Gand."

"You always say it like that?"

"My father's Kent Marlowe and my grandfather is Kent Spenser so if people just say 'Kent', we don't know which one they're talking to..." he trailed off in shock as Tenzil bit the head off a fork and chewed thoughtfully.

"Makes sense then. Good to meet you, Kent Shakespeare. Don't let Brainy here get to you. It's not easy being green." Querl rolled his eyes as Tenzil drifted off.

Kent looked confused, "Um... my sister said you don't like to be called that?"

"I don't," Querl admitted, "But it's what everybody calls me, regardless." A green disc appeared beside him and he turned, "Right, Gates?"

Kent was startled by the sudden appearance of what appeared to be an oversized pill-bug in a Little Red Riding-Hood costume. "Right what?" it asked.

"What everybody calls me. _To my face_, I mean, don't get smartnassed."

"So not '12th Level Dick,' then?"

"NO."

"Probably not 'Mr. Green-Genes' either."

"GATES."

"'Stickerface' probably isn't the answer you're looking for either."

"Never mind, forget I said anything. It was foolish of me to think I could get a sensible answer out of you in the first place."

"I think I called you 'Unabomber' to your face once... mind you that was back in the 20th Century... and I called you 'Mr. Rogers' once or twice after your upgrade, but then you stopped wearing those cardigans..."

Querl turned a composed face to Kent, whose shoulders were shaking with the effort not to laugh. "Disregard this insect. He is deliberately trying to provoke me and I have chosen to ignore him."

"Yes sir."

"And if you call me 'sir' one more time, I will turn on the red sunlight projectors and noogie you until you're dizzy."

"Listen to him, kid, he means it!"

"Oh hush, Chuck, he does not. Don't worry, Brainy's only teasing."

"He does not tease, Vi, he torments!"

"He only torments _you._"

Brainy picked up his teacup and swirled the contents gently. "Need another _friend_, Chuck?" He grinned nastily as Chuck abruptly got up and bolted out of the commisary.

A pretty orange-eyed brunette walked up and swatted him on the arm. "He's just kidding," she told Kent, "Grife, Brainy, quit teasing him! It can be hard enough to get your bearings without you freaking the guy out on his first day here."

"Hel-LO handsome!" Another girl, twin to the first with purple eyes, linked her arm through Kent's, startling him, "Has anyone shown you around yet?"

_**Aliens!!** ...cute aliens... **Aliens!!** _"Um, a little..."

A third girl, one eye orange, one purple, tugged the purple-eyed twin away gently but firmly, "Sister, give him space. Please forgive her, she's only trying to be friendly."

Querl couldn't help grinning, "Luornu, please pull yourself together."

"Good idea, Brainy," she said. She linked arms with her look-alikes and merged with them. Kent visibly shuddered, his xenophobia hit hard. "I'm Luornu Durgo, codename Triad, the weirdo from Cargg. You've already met Brainy, the weirdo from Colu..."

"That's freak, not weirdo. Get it right," Querl smirked.

"You are, too, weird," she grinned, "But we're all a bit weird around here. Vi's weird, Gates is weird, Timber Wolf is _really_ weird..."

Kent recovered somewhat, "So, um, what you're saying is, this is a group of outcasts and rejects."

"Pretty much, yeah," Lu agreed, grinning.

Querl smirked again, "I prefer to consider the Legion to be an organisation of free-thinking individuals ... those who can be bothered to think, at least."

"We don't need to think, Brainy, that's what we've got you for," Lu teased. She leaned down to smooch his cheek and he leaned away with an exaggerated squinchy face. She giggled and waved to Kent, "See you around, handsome."

"That's proof that I'm called 'Brainy' by all and sundry," Querl sighed.

Kent nodded but the memory of Laurel telling him "**Don't** call him 'Brainy!'" was too strong. "Uhm..." Querl briefly considered ignoring him until he called him something other than 'sir.' "Uhm... so... What're your powers?"

Querl smirked and sipped his tea, "Being the smartest person in this - or any - room. ...Although that's hardly a challenging feat, sometimes."

"And?"

"And nothing. I'm smart; that's all."

Kent looked puzzled, "What about your forcefield?"

"My forcefields are artificially generated and thus not considered to be a power."

"Oh." Kent mulled this over, frowning. "It kinda says something that they consider _intelligence_ to be a super power. I'm not sure I like what it says."

_I like him_. "Congratulations on having one more brain cell than the balance of the Legion," Querl smirked.

"I mean... That would mean that bucolic stupidity could be considered a super-power."

_I really like him._ "One shudders to imagine how it could possibly be considered an asset," Querl was smiling now.

Kent grinned, relieved that he hadn't inadvertantly given offense. "Yeah, I mean... what would their codename be? Clueless Kid? Dumb Boy? ID10T?"

"...Superboy," Querl smirked and sipped his tea as Kent hastily swallowed his fizz then fell over laughing.

"Um..." Kent was twisting his fingers again.

Querl rolled his eyes and sighed, "Querl, Brainy, Brainiac - pick one."

"Uhm.. my sister said Brainiac was preferred...?" Kent stammered hopefully. He had a feeling that he was digging himself in no matter what he did.

"Yes. That will do." Behind them, Querl was aware of Violet whispering to someone.

"Um, they say you're one of the best astrophysicists?"

"I am quite good with astrophysics, yes. Your point?"

"Uhm.. do you teach?"

Querl turned to look at him face on, surprised, "You've an interest in astrophysics, Kent?"

"Oh yessir!" Kent straightened up, his eyes lighting with enthusiasm, "I was going to study theoretical and practical astrophysics and astronomics engineering at the Academy, I've been saving for years for my tuition and I've kept my grades high so I could pass the entrance exams..." his face fell, "But then I had to leave."

Querl considered the ramifications. He wasn't the most patient man in the universe and the thought of trying to educate someone wasn't appealing. However, it spoke well of how much Kent valued his education. And it would mean a lot to Laurel... "Very well. I expect you to pay attention and I don't like repeating myself. Is that understood?"

Kent nodded vigorously, delighted, "Yessir, Brainiac sir! d'oh..."

Violet snapped her fingers at her companions and opened her hand, "Pay up!"

* * *

The senior Legionnaires were seated around the conference table, watching the holorecording of their newest recruit. "He demonstrates the usual Daxamite powers," Cosmic Boy was saying, "Laser vision, penetra-vision, mega-endurance, mega-breath, enhanced senses, invulnerability..."

"_Nigh_-invulnerability."

"Spoon!"

"Thank you, Laurel and Hardy." Cos rolled his eyes as laughter rippled around the room and Lyle and Brainy smirked. "He does have a minor contact issue..."

"White Triangle aversion again?" Apparition yawned.

"No, just watch."

They watched. Apparition's hand fluttered to her mouth. Kid Quantum frowned. Invisible Kid started to snicker. "That's happened every time he's thrown a punch," Brainiac 5 reported.

"We're considering calling him 'Knock-Out,'" Invisible Kid added.

"I thought that was because of his looks," Spark shot back, grinning.

"I see," said Kid Quantum, current Legion leader, "He KO's them every time, one shot? Is that maliciousness?"

"No, we think he just doesn't know his own mega-strength yet," Cos replied.

"Which is why he should have access to our training facilities, at the very least," Brainy added.

"I see," Kid Quantum said again, "Perhaps he should be admitted to the Legion Academy until he's gained better control of his powers."

Cos nodded, "Will that be acceptable to Sister Andromeda, Brainy?"

"I don't see why not."

"Alright then. The Arthamites are already designing and we can work on his codename later, so if..."

"Actually..." They looked around as Saturn Girl entered the room. She closed the door behind her and looked up with the expression of the mouse chosen to bell the cat. "There is a problem."

* * *

Sister Andromeda. It was hard to think of the famous Sister Andromeda as his sister, especially when she was in her formal habit, as now. Big sister Laurel, who'd wiped his nose, beat up the bullies, out-played him at the arcade, top of her class at cadets and rising star in the dance world... Sister Andromeda; Laurel Gand -- no, it just didn't work. She picked up her teacup and sipped, "So how'd it go?"

"It went, I guess," Kent sighed, "It's really hard. So many aliens..."

Laurel nodded and smiled sympathetically, "Yeah, I know. It's overwhelming at first."

"Some of them are so strange.. like the three-in-one girl..."

"Triad," Laurel grinned, "The only person who can argue with herself and lose."

"The cafeteria guy has acid spit... I saw him eating a fork."

Laurel laughed, "Oh nass, Tenzil... he's such a character. He can literally eat anything, it's scary. We called him 'Omniphage' behind his back."

"Then there were these little reptilian guys who wanted my inseam measurements."

Laurel laughed at Kent's shudder, "Oh the Arthamites! They're supposed to be the best designers in the galaxy but I harbour doubts. Did you meet Lyle? Invisible Kid? If not, you soon will, he's always working in the lab. He's Querl's best friend."

Kent nodded, then sat back and sighed, "I don't think he likes me very much."

"Didn't Lar warn you?" Laurel laughed, "He doesn't like anybody, not until they've proven themselves to be worth the effort." Kent wilted and she chucked his chin, "Don't worry, you'll be fine."

"I keep screwing up," the boy sighed, flopping back into his chair.

"Like what?"

"I can't get his name right. I keep calling him 'sir'- " he winced as Laurel burst out laughing, "And I can't seem to stop, it just slips out. Then some girl made a bet about it and she won fifty creds."

Laurel was almost howling with laughter. "Oh nass...! Did you call him 'Brainy'?"

"No! He said everybody does it but I remembered what you said so I figured I shouldn't even if he said it was okay. But it doesn't feel right to call him by his first name and I keep calling him 'sir' even though I try not to and he doesn't like it and I'm afraid he won't want to teach me anymore if I can't stop." The kid looked so woebegone, it set Laurel off again.

"Teach you what?" she asked, once she had her breath back.

"I asked him if he'd teach me astrophysics."

"You asked _Querl_ to **teach** you? Well, you'll get the best education but you'll have to work for it. You'll have to work your mind like never before. He's a real challenge to keep up to, but the payoff is you'll get a better education than you could get at any university - even on Daxam."

"Maybe I bit off more than I can chew..." Kent said morosely, "He asked me a whole bunch of questions and I thought I was doing okay for a while but then..."

"Nah, he was just sussing out how much you already know. No point in teaching you what you already know, right? Did he roll his eyes and sigh or did he tilt his head and grunt?"

"He grunted."

"Then you impressed him. Good job. Don't worry, you'll get used to it. He doesn't like many people and he respects even fewer, so you're already off to a good start."

"If you say so..."

"Don't worry about looking stupid in front of him; he's got a 12th level intellect, _everybody_ looks stupid next to him. Just use what you've got to the best of your ability. He'll have more patience with you if he can see that you're trying." Laurel refreshed her tea, "When you're on a mission together, leave the thinking to him -- remember, that's his _job_. You're his weapon, so let him use you and do what he says and don't try to second-guess him. If he tells you to do something and you don't know how, tell him _before_ you get involved. He absolutely _hates_ it when he sends someone to shut down the reactor core and **then** they tell him they don't know what buttons to push!"

Kent grinned and nodded, "I can see how that would waste time."

They both startled as the door slid open and Brainiac 5 stormed through. He didn't so much as glance at them as he stormed down the hall and into the lab. Laurel and Kent exchanged an apprehensive look. "'Kay, something didn't go right," Laurel muttered, then started counting down. "...three ...two ...one. ... ...one. ... Oh, man, something's really wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"The lab didn't explode." She got up and hesitantly stepped into the lab, Kent at her heels. "Querl...?" No answer. She went to stand beside him. "Querl?"

"What?!" he snapped, then looked up, "Oh, it's you. Sorry. The kettle's on if you want to make tea."

"I'll do it," Kent said nervously.

Laurel leaned against the lab bench and propped her foot up against the cupboard door. "What happened? Did the Legion reject him?"

"Oh no, no, not at all. He tested fine, a little over-zealous but nothing unexpected for a Daxamite fresh into his powers. No problems there at all. Glad to have him and all that, thanks for the vote of confidence, won't let you down, yadda yadda yadda."

Laurel cocked an eyebrow. Contrary to popular belief, Querl didn't often get angry. Frustrated yes, annoyed yes, but seldom genuinely angry. When he did, it tended to be a 'hot' anger, the kind that, in most people, would result in slammed doors and in his case resulted in lab explosions. 'Blowing off steam' was an apt description for it. But occasionally, rarely, he got angry enough that he didn't blow it off, but kept it close and contained, building it up under pressure. "Then... what happened? Querl, you're _angry_. I've never seen you this angry before. What's wrong?"

He told her.

_**"What?!"**_ Laurel's face went white with shock and rage. Without another word she stormed out, managing not to destroy the lab door in the process.

Kent peered around a cupboard. "Did... did I do something wrong?" he quavered nervously.

"No," Querl's eyes flicked after Laurel, "Not you. Not you."

"...Laurel?"

Querl sighed and pushed his hands through his hair, "A long time ago. She's paid her debt to society and been pardoned and she still punishes herself more than any court ever could. She doesn't deserve this. Wazzo's had it in for us right from the beginning; this is likely just another way of her lashing out on us. She's probably taking advantage of this because members of the White Triangle murdered her daughter."

Kent was silent for a moment. "Her daughter?"

"Apparition."

Kent was puzzled, "Apparition? But she looked pretty alive."

"Girl never did take a hint," Querl deadpanned, then explained, "Turns out she's part Carggite. She had a spare body kicking around."

"I guess that's useful." He brought out the tea, then hemmed and hawed for a few minutes, working up the nerve to ask, "Um... what did my sister _do?_"

Querl hesitated. He took several sips of his tea, deciding what to say. Finally he sighed and shook his head, "She gives herself a far greater share of the blame than her actions actually warrented. She gave them my cure for lead poisoning, that's all. Under duress, I should add -- she was being threatened by people who knew about her situation back home. She certainly didn't know what Roxxas was planning to do with it."

Kent was silent for several minutes, digesting this. "She... betrayed _you?_ And you're still..."

"Hm? Oh... yes. Well, what she didn't tell them was that it wouldn't work for very long and would probably drive them insane. It has to be tailored, you see. To the individual's genetic structure. It's _not_ 'one shot cures all.'"

"But it worked long enough."

"Unfortunately, yes, it worked long enough. The truth is, they _probably_ could have managed it through transuits, but it would have taken a lot more of them." Querl looked at Kent, who had fallen into a despondant silence. "Roxxas chose a naive girl with a past that made her easy to manipulate," he said gently, "Then he blackmailed her and told her she betraying her people if she didn't betray us. She'd be a traitor either way, and either way, a traitor to herself. She was used; I can't hold_ that_ against her."

Kent nodded. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Anyways, she's paid and was pardoned. She doesn't deserve Wazzo picking on her like this, _especially_ not now, not so close to the anniversary."

"...What exactly _is_ going on, sir?" Kent winced, realizing he'd said the S-word again.

Querl opened his mouth to snark at him and was interrupted by a muffled kaboom from several levels away. "By the sound of it, your sister having a temper tantrum, in classic Andromeda style. That takes me back. Good thing we're a long way from the gym."

"She said the lab didn't explode and that was bad?"

"Ha! Yes. No, this time I'm angry enough to think about what to do about it. That's pretty angry, believe me. Just ask Chuck and Gear."

"Is it true you blow up the lab a lot?"

Querl looked around, "Well, not so much any more, Chuck's made it pretty explosion-proof. I'd have to work at it. It's true about the explosions, though."

"Why?"

Querl paused, then tilted his head and looked at Kent out of the corner of his eye. He looked around and ran a quick scan. Finally, satisfied that he wouldn't be overheard, he said, "Because it's fun."

Kent burst out laughing, "Get out!"

"What? You never wanted to blow stuff up?"

"We used to fill model planes with match-heads..."

"There you are. But I'm Brainiac 5, see, I have a lineage to uphold. It's go big or go home, and since I can't go home..." Kent laughed harder. Querl sighed again, "In answer to your question, the Legion wishes you to attend the Legion Academy until you've gained better control of your powers, which is fine. However, as a condition of admission, because of your White Triangle background, President Wazzo wishes you to undergo telepathic evaluation, including a deep probe in case you're harbouring any post-hypnotic suggestion - which is not fine."

* * *

"This is an outrage!"

"Mr. Brande, what they're asking for is an outright violation of sentient rights!"

R.J. Brande held up his hands and shook his head, "I know, I know. Believe me, kids, I'm fighting this with everything I've got, but they're not budging. It isn't right and the poor boy's done nothing to deserve it, but the council's firm on this."

Kid Quantum rested her fists on her hips, "**I** thought the Legion was now operating independant of the government. Did I miss the memo saying we were back under their control?"

"This is where it gets dicey..."

Brainiac 5's eyes narrowed to slits, "He doesn't _have_ to join the Legion. He's here by **choice,** to try to **recover** from his White Triangle upbringing."

"I know that, Querl, I know," Brande said again, "Believe me, I'm telling them that every chance I get. They're just not yielding."

"Grife, I don't think I've ever seen Brainy this angry," Violet whispered.

"This isn't the first time they've done this," Saturn Girl whispered back.

_"What?!"_

"You didn't know? When Brainy was in pris... wait, _what _did Brande just say?"

Brande was grateful there was actually several million kilometers and a layer of communication technology between him and the combined stares of the Legion elders, otherwise he might fry. He sighed and began to explain.

"I _see._" Brainy's voice was as dark as his face.

"Don't go shooting the messenger, Querl. I'm on your side."

"That **is **an unfortunate coincidence," Cosmic Boy said, sounding a little doubtful, "But I'm sure that's all it is."

"That **is** all it is," M'Onel interjected, "Mr. Brande, I've known Kent on and off for a couple of years now. Yes, he was raised White Triangle but he's a decent kid and he's got a questioning mind. He wasn't sent here, he **escaped** from Daxam!"

"I know, I know, son, but look at it from the Council's point of view, it **did** happen before..."

Even with enhanced hearing, the voices were faint and he was rather glad that he couldn't see the expressions. In the Hall of Heroes, Kent sat near the statue of Element Lad, and listened as the argument escalated higher.

"You okay, kid?"

Kent looked up to see Kon-El approaching. He sighed and nodded, "I guess. I didn't think I'd cause this much trouble."

Conner glanced in the direction of the distant angry voices and nodded, "Yeah. It **is** a big coincidence, you showing up to join the Legion just when the White Triangle are showing signs of being active again."

Kent arched an eyebrow and looked at him through the corner of his eye. "Yes, it is," he replied, "I'm joining as a favour to M'Onel and my sister, 'cause they thought it'd be a good idea for me. I don't know anything about what the Triangle leaders are doing. I left home because I found out that everything the Triangle taught me was a lie. Even the 'lie of Valor' was a lie. I'm here to find the truth."

"What's the 'lie of Valor?'"

"That Valor seeded the worlds and that many of the races have a common ancestry."

"But he **did** do that! That's not a lie, that's true! But you must've asked him, right? I mean, you hang out with him so much. That must be pretty cool for you."

Kent gave him a blank look, "Huh?"

"That you can ask M'Onel about the stuff he did when he was Valor," Conner clarified, then Kent's blank stare penetrated, "...oh shit, I thought you knew. Andromeda knew so I thought you did too."

Kent stood up. "I'm going to the gym," he mumbled as he wandered off. _Great. This day's just getting better and better. Maybe I **should've **stayed at home_.

The gym door slid open. Laurel was there, still working off her anger on the power presses. "How's the argument going?"

Kent sat on the press bench beside her, "Is M'Onel really Valor?"

"Let me guess, you were talking to Superboy."

"Uh huh."

Laurel shook her head, disgusted, "That's the third time he's outed him. I feel sorry for the Last Son believers in the Legion -- they've been really disappointed in Superboy. Mind you, he's not the original Kal-El, but some sort of clone or something, so it's not quite the same. Still, we Valorites were luckier; Valor really **is** worth looking up to."

"So it's true?"

"Yes, it's true and we keep it a secret for a reason. Not that Superboy seems to grasp that simple concept."

Kent nodded, hearing the warning and heeding it, "Yeah. When I was talking about stupidity as a superpower, his name came up."

**"Ha! ** I'll just bet I know who, too. Those two are a case of opposites do **not** attract. He was the reason for Querl developing his forcefield." She pushed the weights aside and sat up.

Kent sighed and looked at his hands. "I guess I've got bad timing," he said softly, "I guess... I guess our people are doing stuff again. They think I'm working for them. They think I might be a 'sleeper.'"

Laurel winced and looked away. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't been so stupid... if I'd wised up sooner... I'm sorry, Kent."

"They say it looks bad because I showed up so close to the anniversary. They mean the anniversary of Trom, right?"

"Yes," Laurel sighed, "It's tomorrow. I won't be available then, I'll be on Trom. Jan - Element Lad - he used to go there every year and make monuments. When he died, I took over."

"You make monuments?"

"I make diamonds out of the remains. Heat vision and a lot of pressure."

"How many do you make?"

"As many as I can in a day."

Kent nodded then looked up, "Can I help?"

* * *

It had been hot and unbearably humid. The oceans had boiled nearly dry, the only liquid water left being in the deepest trenches, too salty to support any kind of life. Charred bodies lay everywhere they turned; here and there, the sparkling monuments left by Jan Arrah. They'd transformed one hundred fifty bodies each - animal, vegetable, sapient. They had walked through salt crusts thirty centimeters thick, that marked the beachfront of a melted city, in air almost too humid to breathe.

They had been taught to know right from wrong. They had been taught that this was right and good. Twelve Daxamites had done this. Twelve of their people. He even recognised some of their names. So Kent had helped his sister make diamonds of the corpses, using the same power of heat vision that had murdered this world. And they had shed salt tears together that would never fill the oceans. And he shared the burden of her guilt, because a burden shared is a burden eased.

Now he stood in the command room and faced the giant viewscreen that showed him the face of Winema Wazzo, President of the United Planets. "I'll do it," he said quietly. Immediately the Legion voices rose in protest but he waved a hand and cut them off. "I'll do it. I'll submit to the probe. And then you'll apologise to my sister."

President Wazzo's eyes narrowed, "I beg your pardon?"

"You won't find anything. I'll submit to your probe, but you won't find anything because there's nothing there to find. I don't know what the leaders are doing. You won't find anything, and then you'll apologise to my sister for dragging her through the dirt."

"My dear boy, that's not how it works. If you're a 'sleeper' agent, you won't know what you know; that's what post-hypnotic suggestion is all about. You won't know if you're working for the White Triangle. Now I understand how you feel about all this but -"

"No, you don't," Kent interrupted, "I just came back from Trom. I don't know what the leaders are planning but I want to know, so I can put a stop to it. The Triangle lied to us and they used my sister. I'm not working for the Triangle. I'll go through your probe to prove that, and then you'll apologise to my sister_ because she's not the one who killed your daughter."_ Behind him, he heard Apparition gasp then the room fell quiet.

Winema Wazzo's eyes were blazing and she was shaking with rage, "You.. you _**dare...!**_"

"Yes I dare," Kent blazed right back. Then he relaxed and pushed his hands through his hair. He pulled off the ponytail holder and combed his fingers through, then worked it back into a ponytail as he spoke, "You know, I don't _have_ to join the Legion. My sister and M'Onel suggested it and I respect their wisdom but I don't have to. Fact is, I'd rather dedicate as a monk and follow my sister. I can still do that."

"Then why don't you," Winema spat.

"Of course, everyone would want to know why I didn't join the Legion and I'd have to tell them, because monks are honest." Winema looked suspicious but Kent was aware of the slow grins that were spreading around him. "I'd have to tell them how you bullied Sister Andromeda's little brother because you've got a grudge." He heard the choked sounds that became artificial coughs.

"That is **not** what it is, you stupid child!"

"Yes ma'am. Not quite sixteen, ma'am."

"This is about galactic security, not--"

"Yes ma'am. Don't know much about politics yet, ma'am. But I know a lot about being bullied. When you're the kid whose big sister is a traitor to her people, you meet a lot of them." Behind him, Ultra Boy broke into a wide grin. "'Course, now I'm the kid whose big sister is poised to be one of the most influential religious leaders in the U.P. It'll be an honour to be one of the first Andromedan monks."

President Wazzo stared at him, finally realising she was on politically thin ice. "Very well," she said at last, "Under the circumstances, I shall accept Saturn Girl's testimony." She rang off abruptly. **Then** the room erupted into cheers.

"Bravo!" Kent flinched as Ultra Boy slapped him heartily on the back, "Something else you learn when you're bullied, how to fight dirty!"

"Yes sir. Wasn't always this tall, sir," Kent demurred.

"Oh nass, I can't believe you said that to her face! I thought I'd die! ...again!"

"Grife, the look on her face!!! Last time I saw that look was when Brainy's monkey jumped on her and grabbed her by the--"

"Do you **have** to remind me of that?" Brainy tried to snarl but his heart clearly wasn't in it.

Kid Quantum wiped her eyes, "After that, I don't think we even need to vote. Okay, Kent Shakespeare -- you get control of your powers and you're in. You pick a codename yet?"

"Sort of. We decided on 'Impulse' but I don't know if I like it much."

_**'Impulse??'**_ Only Lyle noticed the strange light that had entered Querl's eyes, '_Knock-out,''Kid Obvious'... oh this is almost **too** perfect._

"You've made an enemy, you know." "Oh sprock that, the entire Legion's her enemy, has been from day one." "You've won. She won't pursue it any further."

Kent just bowed slightly, "Yes ma'am. Thank you ma'am."

The senior Legionnaires were filing out of the room, still gabbling. Kent looked around and saw Brainiac 5 waiting near the door. As Kent approached, Querl tilted his head speculatively, "Hmph." Then he smiled, "C'mon, Koko - we've got work to do."


	10. Sister Christian

Sister Christian a LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal

It was a dark and stormy morning; Zurel didn't have artificial weather control. Querl listened to the rain drumming on the roof of the abbey and nuzzled into Laurel's hair.

"Leejah's still talking to the Council of Elders about the abbey on Durla itself," Laurel said, next to his ear, "But she says the Order house in Samnor is a go. The Thresholds are set up on Durla 7 and Samnor's regained its prior status as a port city."

"That's wonderful," Querl murmured, rocking her gently. She was sliding her fingers up and down his spine and the feeling was just so lovely. He tilted his head to nibble her earlobe. "And with the Thresholds in place, I can work in my lab on Legion World while you shape the innocent minds of tomorrow."

She squeezed her limbs briefly, snugging him, and nuzzled his cheek. "It's not usually the innocent ones who come to me," she sighed.

"That's why they come to you," he replied, stroking her back, "You still see yourself as stained, Laurel; everyone else sees how you've cleaned up."

"Maybe..."

He pulled back to look at her, "You really don't realize how inspiring you are, do you." She shook her head and he tipped forward to rest his forehead against hers, noses just touching. "I do," he said softly, "I know exactly why they're ordaining you today." He smiled and gave her a light, lingering kiss.

She sighed and embraced him again, resting her cheek against his head and feeling him settle against her shoulder. "I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with this ceremony."

"Well, the lavatories are clean, so if you get all the vomiting done beforehand, you won't have to worry about it during the proceedings."

Laurel giggled and snugged him tighter again, eliciting a slight gasp, "That's one thing I don't have to worry about. I've never been a puker."

"That's good. Cos is. With the number of ceremonies he has to attend, it's a wonder he retains any nutrients at all."

"I never knew."

"Mmm." He snugged her and listened to her shuddering sigh. "Would it be the height of irony if I said you're far too distracted at the moment?"

"I can't help it, I've got too much on my mind right now," she replied, looking down his spine and noticing that one of her toenails was chipped, "So, yes, it would be." He chuckled. "I just hope Mother Superior gives the speech, not the Abbess," Laurel sighed.

"Why's that?"

Laurel pulled back to give him a Look, "You've talked to the Abbess and you have to ask that? She's legendary!"

Querl laughed, "Perhaps so. ...But if I can draw your attention back to more... immediate matters?" He drew his fingers up her spine, pressing nerve clusters.

Laurel shuddered and felt her face grow warm. "...sorry."

"Mmmm, I quite understand, believe me. I did suggest it was ironic, after all."

* * *

Sister Andromeda fiddled with the hem of her formal habit. She hated these ceremonies as much as anybody and particularly hated having to sit in the front row. She felt Querl take her fingers and squeeze them, and turned to give him a nervous smile.

She looked around. Beside her, Brainiac 5 wore his formal uniform and a mildly annoyed expression, though his eyes were warm whenever he looked at her. Her little brother Kent Shakespeare sat beside him, looking out of place and trying to scrunch down in his seat. Lar Gand sat beside Kent; because of their shared family name, people assumed he was a relative of hers. Only a few people knew otherwise. Behind them were the rest of the Legionnaires.

Across the aisle, the Order's elders and officials occupied the first couple of rows. Other V.I.Ps sat behind them. Two waving figures caught Laurel's eye - R.J. Brande and Leejah, spiritual leader of Durla. She waved back, trying not to show her nervousness. Mother Superior Ziala was seated among the Order; she couldn't see the Abbess anywhere, and prayed that the ceremony would be conducted by one of the other elders.

A hush came over the crowd and Laurel saw her fears realized as the diminutive Abbess walked out onto the dias. The tiny woman gazed out over the auditorium and cleared her throat to allow the amplifiers to focus on her voice.

"I would like to thank you for your attendance as we celebrate the achievements of Sister Andromeda, who will be ordained this day as a reverend Mother of the Valorite Sisters of the Eternal Cosmos," the Abbess began, "Andromeda came to us seeking penance, and for recovery from her childhood programming." Andromeda wondered whether anybody would notice if she lit out the nearest exit at super-speed.

"Andromeda was reared under the White Triangle movement of Daxam. Daxam is not known as a world that plays well with others, but while most of the planet is content to let the universe go sprock itself -" Querl's eyes snapped open then closed with an expression of dread. "- the White Triangle had much more ambitious goals. They sought to prevent intergalactic travel by destroying the stargate system. They chose a promising and naive young cadet and placed her in the Legion, then used her while they accomplished their goals.

"Andromeda's role was small but significant: There were several opportunities by which she might have apprehended the felons, but each time, her loyalty to her people won out. Twice, she let them go. The third time, they escaped, after attempting to murder her. There's loyalty for you. They blackmailed her into betraying her teammates. Then they went to Trom." The Abbess's eyes swept over the silent audience, "Those of you who may have wondered about the diamond that Sister Andromeda wears on her Valorite brooch, it is the remains of a Trommite child."

After several moments, the Abbess continued, "Andromeda spent time incarcerated for her part and was eventually pardoned and returned to active duty with the Legion. However, the death of an entire world is quite a burden for a young soul. Unable to face the teammates she had betrayed and whom her people had nearly killed, unable to face the last survivor of Trom, and tormented by the conflicts within her, Andromeda resigned her position. She found her way to us and began the long journey of reshaping her soul." Behind her, Laurel heard the whispers of the startled Legionnaires, most of whom didn't know how she had felt. She felt a light touch on her shoulder and just knew that it was Triad Neutral. She touched Triad's fingers with her own but didn't look around.

"After a year of intensive work with the Three Stars of Valor, Sister Andromeda had reshaped herself sufficiently to be sent on missions of outreach. Here, her reshaping was put to the challenge, as she met beings of all races and all social classes. Her cadet and Legion backgrounds made her an ideal candidate for refugee work and she became known as the 'Scourge of the Khunds' for her expedient - and highly inventive - ways of dealing with their attacks." A chuckle ran through the audience. "She became known for her generosity and compassion. Over time, her knowledge of the Valorite principles developed into a fine understanding, and she began teaching novices, inspiring them with her story and life's work. That so many are shocked by that story, that so many cannot conflate the misoxenist girl with the Sister we now know, is proof of how far she has come."

The audience broke into spontaneous applause. Laurel couldn't look around, for fear of losing control of her tears. She glanced up and saw that Kent had no such fear; tears were rolling freely down his cheeks as he applauded the hardest of all. Then Lar caught her eye and smiled and she had to look away, eyes stinging.

The Abbess gazed at them all expectantly and eventually the audience fell quiet again. Satisfied, she cleared her throat and continued, "All that is reason enough, but there is yet another reason why Sister Andromeda sought to shed her White Triangle upbringing and that is the young man who saved her life - her fellow Legionnaire, Brainiac 5. When her people attempted to murder Andromeda, they did so by exposing her to lead. Lead poisoning is one of the most brutal ways for death to visit a Daxamite and it was incurable. But this young man showed great compassion for his misoxenic teammate, working around the clock to find a cure - and he found it. And kicked a few holes in her beliefs, along the way. He was brilliant, sarcastic, and not too hard on the eyes, either... He's sitting right there if you want to see for yourselves..." Laughter rippled around the auditorium and Querl's head sunk slowly into his hand until he was facepalmed.

"But he is from Colu, and the first thing you notice about people from Colu is that they are green. There is no mistaking him for a Daxamite. You cannot pass him off as one having a bout of flu, no amount of pancake makeup will hide it. Put him under a yellow sun and he will not develop any Daxamite powers. He cannot outrun locomotive engines. He will not develop heat vision or X-ray vision, although I'm sure he's very sorry about that last one. Most young men are. He will not fly nor leap tall buildings nor lift sixteen-ton weights with one hand, with or without a cape. He only gets more green." Laurel was staring fixedly at her knees and biting her lip. She didn't dare look at Querl.

"The White Triangle has some very strict views about interspecies co-operation, and their views about interspecies snogging are even stronger." Querl's hand was shading his eyes and his shoulders were shaking with the effort of not laughing. Kent was biting his knuckles and staring at his boots. "Having green kids is right out. So this presented a bit of a problem for Andromeda, realising that she was strongly attracted to someone who could possibly be mistaken for a stalk of asparagus on a dark night." That snort was Lyle, definitely. "For one thing, he'd clash horribly with red, which Sister Andromeda seems to be turning right now, for some unknown reason..." Another ripple of laughter ran around the audience; Sister Andromeda had one hand wrapped around her ribs and the other squashed firmly against her mouth. "But the more she associated with him, the more she came to know him, and the more it became clear to her that this young man was, in all likelihood, her ideal mate. To Andromeda, the situation was clear: She had to learn to like green." Brainiac 5 finally lost control of his laughter, with Andromeda less than half a second behind him.

Apparently non-plussed, the Abbess continued, "That goal was kept in mind, when she was sent on her outreach missions. With diligent work, she was able to function and be at ease with all manner of people, most of whom were not green. Finally we had to send her to Durla. Yes, I know she was sent there as a goodwill ambassador during a time of crisis, a xenophobe among xenophobes... Honestly, you people will believe anything. Durlans can be any colour they choose. When we meet them offworld, they usually choose a friendly orange humanoid appearance. But at home, on their own world, in their natural form..." Andromeda could hear Chameleon whispering 'oh gods, oh gods.' "...they are green." That did it: The entire auditorium were in howling hysterics now.

"Well as we can see, she has certainly shed her fear of green people, and has come to accept that he probably won't give her mold or cooties or cause her to break out in chlorophyll and require photosynthesis." Querl was almost crying with laughter. "Although what they may make between them will almost certainly be green... and super-powered and too smart for its own good and I wouldn't want to be in her shoes when it reaches the Terrible Twos..." So was Lyle. Laurel was laughing so hard she'd gone silent.

"In achieving these goals, Sister Andromeda developed true valor. In her striving to emulate Valor, she has become as inspirational as Valor himself, as evidenced by those who have chosen to dedicate themselves to following her example. As we recognise the achievement of Sister Andromeda this day, so too do we recognise the Andromedan sisters as a chapter of the Order of the Eternal Cosmos."

Applause spread through the auditorium as several Order elders ascended to the dias. This was it, the moment Laurel had been dreading: She cast an anxious look at her family, then got up and made her way onto the dias. She knelt before the Abbess, trying to ignore the giggles from the watching sisterhood: Kneeling, she was just about the same height as the Abbess. She tried not to think about the hundreds of people who were watching her.

_What would Jan do?_ she wondered, but knew: Jan Arrah would be cheering her on, just like the rest of the Legion. His people's religion embraced transformation; that was why - one of the many reasons why - she had chosen this Order. He would only have been proud of the changes she had made. _The only one who feels I don't deserve this is me. But it's so hard to forgive myself._

She couldn't go back and change it, not even with Querl's time platform. Ever honest, he'd explained that to her, knowing how much it hurt. What was done, was done and had to stay done. All she could do was change herself so that it never happened again.

_I didn't know what they were planning. I didn't know what they were doing until Jo came back and told us they'd killed Tinya. They joined the Dark Circle and helped bring us to the brink of war. They're still active; it'll keep happening until the rest of Daxam rises up against them. And they're ordaining **me** and naming an order after me and I've got all these followers, Kent says I've even got followers on Daxam and it just seems so **wrong...**_

Laughter drew her attention back to the proceedings and sympathetic resonance made her grin. The Abbess gave an exaggerated mock-sigh, "That's the problem with young people today, they just can't be serious for even five minutes!" Laurel, giggling, sank back onto her heels and put her hand down to keep herself from toppling over.

She wiped her eyes, glad of the excuse - at least people would think she was crying with laughter. _...I've got followers on Daxam. How well do they follow me? No, I can't go home to Daxam, I'll be killed, my powers will... no, I'm being stupid; I've got my light bands and Querl's forcefield belt... Maybe I **can** go to Daxam, and take whomever **truly** wishes to follow me. They train under me, serve in the Order house in Samnor... and then go home. Kent said the Andromedans were gaining influence back home... _She opened her eyes and stared at nothing as understanding dawned. _...annnnnd there goes Querl again._

Brainiac 5 had never laughed so hard or so loudly in his life, certainly not in public and definitely not during an important ceremony. The Abbess placed her hands on Laurel's head and spoke a prayer. She reached a line with something about 'on the green' and put just enough spin on the word to cause Laurel - and the audience - to crack up laughing again. The Abbess put her hands on her hips and glared out, "Do you mind?! This is a serious ceremony!"

"Seriously sprocked," Querl muttered, wiping away tears of laughter.

M'Onel leaned across Kent to whisper, "I've only been here a few times but I _like_ that old lady!"

"So do I," Querl whispered back. He looked up at Kent, "Breathe, Koko.. Inhale, c'mon, you can do it..." Kent elbowed him in the ribs.

When they had themselves (mostly) under control again, the Abbess replaced her hands on Laurel's head and spoke the words that would elevate her from Sister Andromeda to Reverend Mother Abbess Andromeda. Laurel was no longer struggling not to laugh; she was struggling not to cry. The final benedictions were lost in the ever-increasing roar from the crowd.

Laurel's legs felt weak but she managed to get to her feet and step down from the dias without staggering. Querl rose to embrace her, then stepped aside to let her be hugged by her brother. M'Onel took her hands and whispered something only she could hear; her face shattered and the tears ran freely as she mouthed something that might have been 'thank you.' Then she turned to face a long line of well-wishers.

At long last, she was allowed to retreat into privacy. "For a while there, I was afraid I was going to faint," she admitted.

"Wouldn't that just have made the Abbess's day," Querl smirked. He reached up to cup her cheek, his eyes brimming with pride. _"Now_ will you forgive yourself?" he said softly.

She laid her hand over his and laced their fingers, tears quivering on her lashes. "I'm trying," she whispered.

"Good," he said, and kissed her lightly.

"I think I realized why they ordained me, why they want me to head up a chapter."

"Daxam?" She nodded and he smiled teasingly, "That was fast; I expected it'd take you at least another month."

"And you've known all along."

"Not **all** along. But once Kent provided that one missing piece of information, I worked it out rather quickly, yes."

"Oh grife..." Laurel sighed and shook her head, "I don't know if I'm ready for this. Trying to change the world, even if it is one drop at a time..."

"You won't have to do anything you aren't already doing, my heart," Querl said softly, rubbing her back, "Just pick up a few dedicants and let 'em catch holiness off of you, then throw 'em back in the pond." Laurel laughed. "Who knows, in another thousand years, _you_ could be the holy Daxamite."

"Oh there's a scary thought."

Querl grinned slyly, "And Andromeda brought forth Valor and wrapped him in swaddlng clothes, and laid him on the time platform, for there was no room for them on Legion World."

"Oh shush, you, you're not helping," Laurel managed amid her laughter.

"No, he's not," M'Onel grinned as he approached with Kent.

Querl looked around to see Lyle and Rond approaching as well. "Ah, hello. The gang's all here, is it?"

"You bet," Lyle grinned, "Ready?"

"Well, ye--"

"Ready!" M'Onel and Kent chorussed.

"Hah?" Then Querl's mask shattered into a perfect Foglio expression as Rond and Lyle seized him by the biceps, lifted him up and carted him off.

Lar and Kent did the same with Laurel. "What?! Hey! What are you guys doing?! Put me down this instant! Hey! Guys!" They carried her away, oblivious to her kicking and screaming.

Querl didn't bother. He stayed perfectly still, arms folded across his chest as Lyle and Rond dragged him backwards down the halls. The expression on his face said that when he was through with them, Furbies would be the least of their problems.


	11. Desert Rose

Desert Rose

a LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal

_click_

Brainiac 5 stared at the two grins guarding the room's only door. They were nasty; they were plotting something. He folded his arms and glared at them, "I'm sure you both have an excellent reason for this idiotic behaviour. I can't wait to hear it."

"You can't get married like _that!"_

"It's my formal uniform, Lyle. Besides, Coluan marriage rites do not require a clothing standard. I could wear a burlap bag if I wished."

Lyle ignored this. "Now, we both said no to the disco tux with the flared pants and the hang-glider collar. It was just too gauche, besides you'd need, y'know, actual shoulders to pull it off." He opened a wardrobe and started pulling clothes out and flinging them to Rond, **"I **was thinking the poet shirt, the brocade waistcoat, the leather boots, y'know, sort of a swashbuckler sort of thing."

Rond was shaking out the garments and trying to keep a straight face. Querl was looking for the nearest exit. "I think he can pull it off, yes," Rond said, holding the shirt up appraisingly.

"C'mon, Brainy, at least try it on. No frompy hat, I promise."

Querl took the clothes gingerly, as though expecting them to jump. They weren't his usual colours, not his usual cloth and certainly not his usual cut. Outside of his uniforms, he tended to choose garments for functionality, not appearance. If he wore _these_ in the lab, they'd be acidized in no time. "It's a _Coluan_ rite, there's just the six of us and even that is overkill. Who's even going to see this?"

Lyle blinked innocently, "Doesn't Laurel count?" Querl muttered something dark.

"Besides," Rond smirked. He was standing beside the window, overlooking the courtyard, "They're setting up for the banquet to celebrate the ordination. You might as well look your best."

Querl saw that they weren't going to let him weasel out of it. "Okay, okay," he sighed, and went to change. Admittedly, the new clothes fit him perfectly and they were very comfortable and soft, not what he normally associated with formal wear. _I can only imagine how ridiculous I must look,_ he thought as he stepped out.

Lyle had changed into a sharp suit of Italian design, with knife creased slacks and a double-breasted nipped-waist jacket. Rond wore a Mandarin-styled suit with a standing collar. He finally tore his eyes off Lyle long enough to look at Brainy, "Wow."

The poet shirt of bronze silk draped softly, the collar rippling down Querl's chest and spilling over the gold-embroidered royal blue waistcoat. Lyle twitched a few of the shirt laces open, revealing a teasing hint of green man-cleavage. He adjusted the way the belt sat on Querl's hips, drawing attention to... the way the soft trousers fit. They tucked into the suede calf-height boots that finished the picture. "What do you think, Rond?"

Rond walked several slow circles around Querl, eyeing him up and down. "I'd do him," he announced finally, "I don't think he'll clash with Laurel, either." Querl scowled at him, then scowled further at the _snap_ of Lyle's holocam.

"Perfect! It'll be in shreds in no time," Lyle grinned. He popped the chip into the reader and handed it to Querl. He studied it first with suspicion, then mild interest. It _did_ look moderately... acceptable. "Whaddya think? Should we drag him off to the hitching post?"

**"What** 'hitching post?'" Querl objected as he was firmly escorted out, "It's a Coluan rite! It's six words, two witnesses! We're allowing for four but it's not necessary!" He looked up and realized he was being led into the Abbess's office, "Oh no..."

The little creature's eyes twinkled as she looked at him, "Ah, the dread pirate Brainiac arrives." Querl shot her a Look, then looked up to see Lar entering, dressed in a silk noil shirt and soft pants.

"How'd it go? Much trouble?" Lyle asked him.

"Yeah, we had to hold her down and pour her into it. It was worth it, though, and it's a thousand times better than any of the monstrosities Ayla was suggesting."

Querl felt sympathy for his beloved - these people were conspiring against them. Then he looked around as voices approached. "..told you idiots, I didn't want this!" "It's not going to last seven days, Sis, and we made sure you can use the dress again." "For _what?!"_ "I dunno, maybe _he'll_ get ordained." The door opened and Kent stepped through, grinning widely. Querl shook his head; they should've got Ultra Boy to witness, instead. The next moment, a soft thump breaking the silence might have been his jaw hitting the floor.

Laurel swept in. She wore a sleeveless gown of lipstick-red taffeta. The shoulder-strapped bodice hugged her curves smoothly to the waist, where the skirt belled out and fell in draped folds to the floor. A long train trailed after her. She stopped and stared at Querl, as transfixed by him as he was by her.

He reached out and she met his hand palm to palm, linking their fingers._ It's like they took all the beauty and tenderness that he's been hiding all these years, and brought it up to the surface,_ Laurel thought. She didn't know what he saw when he gazed at her like this, with that unbreakable intensity. She only hoped he kept seeing it.

He reached up to cup her cheek. The only woman he'd ever loved was gazing at him with her heart in her eyes and it was everything he never knew he'd wanted. He prayed desperately that he wouldn't sprock it up with his inexperience and his heavy-handedness. He stroked her cheek tenderly, oblivious to everything around them, oblivious to the thickening silence that stretched out. At this moment, they were the only two people in the universe...

"Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us... togevvah... today."

Querl's forehead dipped forward and thunked into Laurel's shoulder. "No. Oh no. No no no no **no.** You do **not** know that! It is _inconceivable_ for you to know that! It's over a thousand years old! It's not even the same language!" He turned and stared at the Abbess, who was grinning like an apple doll,_ "How can you possibly know that?!"_

"Know what?" Lyle asked, baffled.

"It's from his favorite movie," the Abbess twinkled.

**_"How do you know that?!_ He** doesn't know that!" Querl spun and pointed at Rond, who shrugged, just as puzzled as Lyle.

"I didn't know you had a favorite movie, either," Lyle said.

"Of course you don't. _Nobody _in this room knows! But somehow Raisin Mother Clare here found out!" The Abbess giggled, clearly unoffended by her new nickname. "What are you even doing here? It's not necessary! The Coluan marriage rite does not require any sort of officiator, only two witnesses! Nor does it require any ridiculously unfunctional garments! ...not that my bride doesn't look mesmerising. But it's not necessary! We didn't want all of this! It's just six words and two witnesses! - **that's all!"**

"And wuv.. twue wuv... will fowwow you... fowevah."

Querl buried his face in his palm as the rest of the company broke up laughing. He glared at the Abbess with narrowed eyes, clearly sorting through his options for revenge. Slowly, the realisation dawned, "I can't even defend myself. There's nothing I can threaten her with!" The Abbess's high-pitched giggle overrode the laughter.

"Six words, you said?"

Querl gave her another Look, "Ah, that would be your subtle way of saying get on with it."

"The food's gonna get cold," Kent chimed in. Laurel thumped him. Querl rolled his eyes and shook his head. Then he took Laurel's hands and looked up into her eyes.

Coluese, as Lyle had observed many times, was a remarkably Spartan language. It disliked excess verbiage and cut meaning down to the quick. Compared with most languages in the U.P, it had few words for emotions and limited ways of describing emotional states. It was a language for logic and calculation. That said, it had its poetic moments, and the marriage rite was one of them. The words declared the three things the speaker could not live without: In Interlac they were translated as _You, my blood, and my breath._

Querl's voice was rough as he spoke them. Tears quivered on Laurel's lashes. When she spoke, it was in her native Daxamite tongue, then the tears spilled over. Strictly speaking, the kiss wasn't part of the Coluan ceremony either, but neither of them felt like objecting.

* * *

"Tenzil's been having a blast. He's really pulled out all the stops!"

"They all have. I don't think the convent cooks get very many chances to shine."

"Neither does Tenzil. Where _are_ they, anyways? I thought they were just going to catch a breather or something!"

"Or something," Chameleon smirked.

Ayla and Violet exchanged a glance then looked at Cham, "You know something we don't know?"

"Yup. And you're about to find out -- Look, here they come."

"Where? I don't see... Ohhh, my, what a gorgeous dress! Ohmigod, look at Brainy!"

"They look like they just got married," Violet gasped. Cham grinned and nodded. "They did?! They got married?!"

"And they didn't invite us?!"

"They got married?? Ohmigod!!"

"They what?!"

"Lovely," Querl sighed, "Only one thing in the Legion can travel faster than XS and that's gossip."

Laurel nodded, "The head table's on the other side of the courtyard; we may have to fight our way through."

"Or we could run in the other direction and hop the threshold back to Legion World while everyone's distracted," Querl suggested. Laurel laughed and they started working their way through the sea of squealing well-wishers.

"Well I think it's wonderful. Congratulations, Brainy, you must be so happy," Tinya beamed.

He smiled, "I am, actually. Happier than I ever thought I could be."

"That's not saying much," Gates snarked. Querl did not dignify that with a response.

Triad bounced up - all three of her - and spontaneously hugged him, squealing "OoooOOOOoooo I'm soooo happy for you!!"

"Gmmphf!" Querl flailed under the bouncy sea of Carggites.

"Married! OMG!!" "So does he have to leave the Legion now?" "Don't be ridiculous! What an idea! Who'd have a rule like that?!"

"Mmf...can't...breathe...!" The Triads giggled and fluttered away, leaving Querl gasping, only to be glomped next by Ayla.

It took thirty minutes to cross from one end of the courtyard to the other, partly because people kept standing on the train of Laurel's dress. Querl clawed his way to the head table and collapsed into his chair, gasping theatrically. Laurel yanked her train out from under a monk, bunched it over her arm and ran to join him.

"I don't see what the fuss is all about," said Gates, materializing near Querl's shoulder, "So you're mated. Big deal. You mammals overblow everything."

"Well, Gates, at least _we_ won't be having in excess of five thousand offspring," Querl replied archly, "Not in one birthing, anyway." Laurel choked on her wine and the Triads fell about laughing, having the mental image of poor Laurel bloated up like a termite queen.

"Who's your groom?" said an impish voice by Laurel's ear.

She spun around and beamed, "Sister Areala!" She reached up and hugged the other woman. "Congratulations! I hear you're being bumped up!"

"Yeah, you're not going to get rid of me that easily. I'm going with you." They hugged again excitedly. "So this is the Wonder Boy?"

Laurel looped her arm around Querl and drew him over, ducking her cheek against his head, "This is him. This is Querl Dox. Honey, this is Sister Areala. We trained together."

"Hello."

"Hiya! You joining us?"

"Alas no. I am not nosy enough to be a nun," Querl deadpanned.

Sister Areala laughed, then looked around, "Oh, looks like they're about to serve dinner. Congratulations, you two! And you, _Reverend Mother!"_ Laughing, she ducked Laurel's good-natured thump and scampered away.

* * *

After supper, Querl sat back comfortably, sipping a liqueur and chatting with his close friends.

"Where's Laurel?" Lyle asked.

Querl shook his head, "She said she wanted to get changed. I don't suppose I can blame her - that dress looks magnificent but did not look comfortable."

"Kent must've gone to help her out of it?"

"I suppose."

The whine of a sound amplifier drew their attention and they turned to see M'Onel stepping out onto the dias. "Um.. hi," he began. The field focussed on his voice and threw it out to the back reaches of the courtyard. "Hello. On Daxam, when we have something major to celebrate, like an ordination or a wedding.. or both... we traditionally hire a dancer to come and lead us in the festivities. Daxamites don't usually dance off-world, because most people see the costumes and the dancer's movements, and .. well, they miss the point. Daxamite professional dance is about unity with the music, with the musicians, and with other dancers, although unfortunately we won't be seeing that tonight. It's not traditional for a bride to dance at her own wedding, but we really don't have another choice."

Lyle and Imra both looked puzzled. Imra leaned towards Querl and asked, "Do you know what's going on?"

His eyes were shining and his face was alight with wonder. "She's going to dance," he whispered almost reverently.

Imra blinked, surprised, "Laurel dances?"

"Like something out of a dream." She turned and stared at him - this awe was even more surprising. She exchanged a glance with Lyle, who shrugged, equally baffled.

The music started with a heavy drumbeat, then wove into etherial tones that sounded exotic to their ears. Then Laurel spiralled out. "Ah, that's the costume M'Onel gave her," Querl noted.

"It's _gorgeous!_" Imra breathed, "But I see what he means about missing the point."

"Grife! It looks like the music's coming from **her!"** Lyle was impressed.

Querl smirked, **"That's** the point." He then fell into rapt silence, rivetted as Laurel continued her set in a swirl of burgundy and gold.

"Whoa, _cool_ sword!"

"It's hers. Kent smuggled it out from Daxam," Querl murmured.

Imra was shaking her head, "Is there some trick to that? Something on the edge?"

"No trick. Just balance." Imra glanced at him and grinned, hearing the faint note of "now hush, I'm busy being enthralled" in Querl's voice.

After a few dances, Kent came out carrying his drum. Laurel paused for some water while he set up and M'Onel stepped out onto the dias again. "Uh, this is improvised. They didn't have time to rehearse." Laughter rippled.

"This is what she wanted to do. This is what she loves," Querl whispered, "This is the life the White Triangle took from her."

Kent struck the drum. After a few taps described the rhythm, Laurel took it up on her body, matching him so precisely, it looked like it was she who was making the drumbeats.

"Latent telepathy?"

Querl shook his head again, "No. Just very skilled at reading each other's body language."

"That's one hell of a 'just,'" Lyle said.

By now the crowd was roaring. It was plain that the nuns were as surprised as the Legionnaires, by Laurel's hidden talent. Then, with five final strong punches, the set, and Laurel, were finished. Glowing like the sun, she bowed to her audience, then darted out, closely followed by her brother.

Querl shoved his chair back and got up. "Time to beat a retreat?" Imra smiled and he nodded, "Go. We'll cover for you."

"Thanks, Imra. Lyle?" Querl fixed Lyle with that Look that said "I want a Word with you." Lyle grinned and followed him out of the courtyard and into the halls of the abbey.

After several minutes, Querl stopped and turned to face Lyle. "How long have you been coaching her?"

"What?"

"She never knew me that well when she was in the Legion, and she hasn't visited for **years.** Yet somehow, she suddenly knows me intimately enough to translate my..." Querl searched for a word then gave up and used Laurel's, "'Brainiac-ese,' among other things. Either she's an uncannily fast and thorough learner, or somebody's been coaching her."

"And you think it's me?"

"Considering your past history of meddling in other couples' affairs, yes."

Lyle grinned but shook his head, "Sorry, Brainy. I can't deny that she was coached, but it wasn't me."

"Then who was it?"

"It was me."

Querl turned around,_ "Rond?"_

Rond smiled, pocketing the holocorder, "Got the whole dance. Including those tears you were trying to hide. Why so surprised? I've known you longer than anyone."

"How long have you been coaching her?"

"Since she left the Legion. I ran into her after she left the lab. She was crying, she told me why, and I told her where the mistakes were. Yours as well as hers. You didn't know you were supposed to talk her out of it or say something that indicated how you felt about her; she didn't know that you'd take her at her word. By the time I went to look for you, you'd left the lab and I couldn't find you in time." Querl winced, regretting. Rond shrugged, "She left, but we kept in touch. I'd tell her how you were doing and wound up explaining all your little eccentricities."

Querl arched an affronted eyebrow, "'Eccentricities?'"

"You're **upset?"**

"Sprock, no!" Querl blinked, "I just married her, how could I be upset?! I just wanted to.." he blinked back sudden tears, "To thank you..."

Rond reached out and hugged him, tears rolling down his own face. Lyle grinned; Rond always cried at weddings. "You're welcome," Rond said softly, "I was coaching you too, you know."

"I know."

Rond pulled back and gripped Querl's biceps, giving him a light shake, "Now you better live happily ever after, mister, or I'm kicking your green butt into a black hole for being a fraud!"


End file.
